Mourning Memories Lost

A lost memory

As I've talked about before, I was very sick last November. I lost five days and woke up in the hospital the day before Thanksgiving in the ICU after having a series of seizures. Those five days are completely gone, though I'm not missing much - according to my husband, I mostly slept.

My brain is weird. That's pretty much the only diagnosis I've ever gotten. This is the 2nd time I've lost time, but this case was different. For a while, I didn't remember much of everything from last year. A lot of those memories did come back, but I knew the closer we got to November, I would get to a dead zone where I didn't remember much.

Memories are very important to me, probably in part because my mom is passed away and I don't have a ton of pictures of her. She is suppose to live on in my memory and she does - thankfully my long term memory was not affected.

For a while after I got home from the hospital, it seemed like every day I was finding something that I had forgotten. I was so excited to watch the movie Divergent again because I did remember that I had loved it in the theater, but when I started the movie I didn't remember any of it.

It's been months since I've experienced finding out something I forgot until last week. I saw on Facebook that one of my online friends had passed away, and thanks to the Timehop app a few days after that, I saw that I did know that he had died, but I had forgot.

We weren't close friends. Mostly online friends who met a few times at local Browncoat events but I felt extremely guilty that I had completely forgotten that he was gone. It's silly I know, but that's how I felt.

It also means that I'm in the dead zone now. From now until the day before Thanksgiving, my memories of last year are fuzzy at best. And a lot happened in October of last year that I wish that I could remember.

The only thing I can really remember about Emily's birthday is running to the dollar store near our house, but I don't remember why. The only things I remember from the Browncoat Ball is playing Cards Against Humanity with lots of people including Mikey Mason and then feeling sick to my stomach during the dance itself. Halloween I don't remember anything.

Because I had gone through the memory merry-go-round earlier, I didn't think it would be a big deal when I got to this point. But I realize now, that I'm still mourning for the lost memories. Thankfully I'm a big fan of social media and taking lots of pictures, so I've pieced together some of what happened. But I just don't remember it.

I'm sure I'll get over it, but the next few months may be harder than I anticipated. The healing just continues. I'm going to try and focus on making new memories as well.

Motherless Mother's Day

Mother's Day is quickly approaching so TV and internet are filled with ads with stuff to get your mom. Even though I am a mom, this holiday is always really depressing for me because my mom is passed away.

I really feel for everyone who has a hard time with Mother's Day. Those like me who have lost their mom, those who have lost kids of their own and those who struggle with infertility. This Sunday will be rough for a lot of people.

I am a mom, but I find it hard to focus on myself. This year seems to be worse for some reason. The commercialism on TV are making me weepy as is the Mother's Day stuff Emily keeps bringing home from school. At this point, I'll be glad when Sunday is over with.

My mom was a great mom and she would have been an excellent grandmother. She would have adored Emily to bits. Unfortunately, cancer cut her life way too short - she was only 51 when she passed away.

My life has been a good one but there is a big hole in it without my mom. I am thankful to have a great step-mom and mother in law, but I'll always miss my mom.

If you are hurting this Mother's Day, know you aren't alone. My heart is hurting too.

War of the Seasons Book 2: The Half-Blood – A Fantasy Novel

Image: http://www.ailionora.com

In the second book of the War of the Seasons trilogy, readers are taken back to the magical world of Ailionora.

The Half-Blood takes place a few months after the events in The Human. Story has stayed in Ailionora to be with the love of her life, the elf, Eirnin. But things are tense as the elves prepare for war with the fae. Things get even worse when Eirnin is poisoned which propels Story on a quest to save him.

The Half-Blood is a great sequel that I enjoyed even a little more than the first book, The Human. Story grows as a character as she finds herself between a rock and a hard place as she tries to get an antidote for Eirnin. She even enlists the aid of the Spring Prince, Morrigann. He is, in my opinion, the most interesting character in this book as some of his past comes to light in the story.

I would recommend The Half-Blood to anyone, but especially for people who enjoy fantasy. War of the Seasons Book 2: The Half-Blood is available in paperback, Kindle and Nook formats.

Note: I received a copy of this book for review purposes.

War of the Seasons Book 1: The Human – A Fantasy Novel

Image - www.ailionora.com

The Human is the first book of the War of the Seasons series byJanine K. Spendlove. This book is an engaging fantasy novel that follows a young girl named Story as she journeys to a strange new world and the quest she embarks on to save it.

I love fantasy books, and the ones that involve someone from our world going to a fantasy world are some of my favorites. I think this may have something to do with the fact that I would love to find myself magically transported to a magical world.

The Human is this type of book as it follows 17 year old Story as she finds herself in the world, Ailionora, after falling in a cave while spelunking. She gets drawn into this strange, new world finding that she is in the middle of an ancient feud that exists between the elves and faeries of Ailionora.

Story is quickly joined by an elf named Eirnin. This book, in part, revolves around the relationship between these two characters as Eirnin helps Story along her way, teaching her about Ailionora as they go.

This is a tale that has many levels. On the onset, it seems like most fantasy novels, but it does have a deeper layer as Story tries to discover who she is, what her strengths are and how to deal with extreme loss. I enjoyed this book immensely.

Note: I received a copy of this book for review purposes.