Making the Most of Each Moment

Image: inspirationalstorytellers.com

Over the last few days, the world has been in mourning for Prince. I wasn't a huge fan of his, but I was taken aback by how young he was. Only a few years older than my mom was when she passed so young from cancer.

But then yesterday, the news that Michelle McNamara, who was a writer and the wife of actor Patton Oswalt, had died in her sleep. She was only 46 years old and had a seven year old daughter, which is the same age as Emily.

With all the health issues that I have plus my mom dying at age 51, death is something I think about quite a bit. Only God knows when I'll leave this earthly plane, but honestly it could be any time for anyone.

That's what it's so important to make the most of each moment as you can. Our time is so limited in the grand scheme of things.

Yesterday there was also a local news article about a 178 year old tree that was cut down despite a petition to save it. That tree had lived twice as long as most humans do. I read some of the comments and someone posted that from the pictures the tree was rotting from the inside. I don't know if that's true or not, but it's a powerful image.

Don't rot from the inside. Make the most of each moment as much as you can while on this Earth.

Mourning Celebrities

Image: www.fanpop.com 

It's been a rough week for fans of pop culture. Earlier this week, David Bowie passed away after a battle with cancer. I open Facebook this morning and find that Alan Rickman has also died of cancer.

Fuck cancer.

The morning after Bowie had died, my Facebook feed was filled with remembrances and grief for him. I honestly wasn't as sad as some people, though I was sad. I wasn't a big fan of his music but his performance as the Goblin King really had a big impact on young adult me.

Seeing that Alan Rickman died on Facebook this morning was much more of a gut punch. I'm honestly gutted because I loved his work. So many great roles over the years. I'm sure as I write this, my social media feed is filling up with tributes.

My husband thinks it's odd that I get sad when celebrities die. But music, film, television, books can play a huge role in our lives. At least in mine. So it feels like I know celebrities, even though I really don't. And it's a loss either way.

I will continue to mourn my favorite celebrities as they shuffle off this earthly plane. I just hope that the universe gives us a break for a bit and there are no more celebrity deaths this week.

Sick Mom or Healthy Mom

Me and my mom

Growing up, my mom was the picture of health. I don't even remember her getting colds or the flu, though I'm sure she did. My mom was a force of nature and kept everything on track. Because my mom had such a strong personality and was so seemingly healthy, it was a shock when she got cancer.

She still powered on. My parent's owned a water testing company - where we lived you had to have your water tested when you sold your house. My mom would run the office and pick up the samples while my dad did the testing since he's a microbiologist. Even during her two year fight with colon cancer, she would work scheduling pick ups around chemo sessions. But eventually she died and even knowing how sick she was, it was a bit of shock. Not my mom, who had always been so healthy!

Me, on the other hand, am the picture of illness. Despite my chronic headaches, Todd and I went ahead and decided to have Emily. Chronic pain and pregnancy is not a good mix, so I was pretty miserable for the majority of those nine months. But at the end, I got an Emily out of it and she was / is worth all the pain I went through.

Right now, I'm not doing so great. I've been overdoing it especially over Christmas, so I ended up in

the ER this past Saturday with a bad migraine. Some drugs and lot of sleep has helped me feel better. But I'm still tired, because I'm honestly still recovering from the seizures. So I'm trying to rest as much as I can while Todd is still off work for the holidays.

We went to the store last night to pick up my anti-seizure medicine and just walking around Walmart make me feel woozy. So when we got home, it was straight to bed for me. Todd has been doing storytime with Emily at night because he usually doesn't get to do it. Emily has a story Bible and we've been reading our way through it.

Last night, Todd told me, was the story of Jesus as a healer. At the end of each story their is a question and this one was "If you could heal anyone, who would it be." Todd says that she didn't even think about it before she said, 'Mommy.'

I got teary-eyed when I told me that and it got me thinking. Emily has never know what it's like to have a healthy mom. I was sick before she was born and I have gotten sicker over the years. In her very short life, I've been in the hospital twice.

My life span may be shorter because of all this healthy issues. Or I may take after my Great Aunt Dorothy who has health issues as long as I can remember but it also in her 90's. But I'm not holding my breath to have a long life.

I worry about Emily because of my illness. She's a kind, wonderful child but I feel bad that I'm not the best mom that I can be. I feel bad that I can't give her a sibling. I worry how seeing me sick all the time will effect her. I worry that I'll die before she's an adult.

Of course, there is time to see it all play out and I do know that chronic isn't fatal. I just keep adding on issues and diseases which is worrisome. But sick mom or healthy mom, I know both me and my mom wanted to be the best mom's we could (and can).

Motherless Mother's Day

Mother's Day is quickly approaching so TV and internet are filled with ads with stuff to get your mom. Even though I am a mom, this holiday is always really depressing for me because my mom is passed away.

I really feel for everyone who has a hard time with Mother's Day. Those like me who have lost their mom, those who have lost kids of their own and those who struggle with infertility. This Sunday will be rough for a lot of people.

I am a mom, but I find it hard to focus on myself. This year seems to be worse for some reason. The commercialism on TV are making me weepy as is the Mother's Day stuff Emily keeps bringing home from school. At this point, I'll be glad when Sunday is over with.

My mom was a great mom and she would have been an excellent grandmother. She would have adored Emily to bits. Unfortunately, cancer cut her life way too short - she was only 51 when she passed away.

My life has been a good one but there is a big hole in it without my mom. I am thankful to have a great step-mom and mother in law, but I'll always miss my mom.

If you are hurting this Mother's Day, know you aren't alone. My heart is hurting too.

I Miss You, Mom

Me and my mom

Eleven years ago, my mom passed away. Even though I was technically an adult, I was still a kid in so many ways. I had just graduated from college a few days before she passed. She actually made it to see me graduate but had to be in a wheelchair because of being so weak.

She had been one of those super healthy, really skinny people. She never really got sick until she got colon cancer. She fought the cancer for nearly 2 years but in the end, it had spread and there weren't any options left. She was barely 51 when she passed away.

I miss her everyday because she was a great mom. She was looking so forward to being a grandmother, even though it was still a while off before Miss Emily would be born. I wasn't even dating Todd at that point. She would have adored Emily.

Today is especially hard for me as well as my dad. But as Christians, we both know that we'll see her again. I have a feeling that she is also keeping an eye on us. Every once in a while, I feel overwhelmed by her presence. Still I wish she was still here.

I miss you, mom.