Sick Mom or Healthy Mom

Me and my mom

Growing up, my mom was the picture of health. I don't even remember her getting colds or the flu, though I'm sure she did. My mom was a force of nature and kept everything on track. Because my mom had such a strong personality and was so seemingly healthy, it was a shock when she got cancer.

She still powered on. My parent's owned a water testing company - where we lived you had to have your water tested when you sold your house. My mom would run the office and pick up the samples while my dad did the testing since he's a microbiologist. Even during her two year fight with colon cancer, she would work scheduling pick ups around chemo sessions. But eventually she died and even knowing how sick she was, it was a bit of shock. Not my mom, who had always been so healthy!

Me, on the other hand, am the picture of illness. Despite my chronic headaches, Todd and I went ahead and decided to have Emily. Chronic pain and pregnancy is not a good mix, so I was pretty miserable for the majority of those nine months. But at the end, I got an Emily out of it and she was / is worth all the pain I went through.

Right now, I'm not doing so great. I've been overdoing it especially over Christmas, so I ended up in

the ER this past Saturday with a bad migraine. Some drugs and lot of sleep has helped me feel better. But I'm still tired, because I'm honestly still recovering from the seizures. So I'm trying to rest as much as I can while Todd is still off work for the holidays.

We went to the store last night to pick up my anti-seizure medicine and just walking around Walmart make me feel woozy. So when we got home, it was straight to bed for me. Todd has been doing storytime with Emily at night because he usually doesn't get to do it. Emily has a story Bible and we've been reading our way through it.

Last night, Todd told me, was the story of Jesus as a healer. At the end of each story their is a question and this one was "If you could heal anyone, who would it be." Todd says that she didn't even think about it before she said, 'Mommy.'

I got teary-eyed when I told me that and it got me thinking. Emily has never know what it's like to have a healthy mom. I was sick before she was born and I have gotten sicker over the years. In her very short life, I've been in the hospital twice.

My life span may be shorter because of all this healthy issues. Or I may take after my Great Aunt Dorothy who has health issues as long as I can remember but it also in her 90's. But I'm not holding my breath to have a long life.

I worry about Emily because of my illness. She's a kind, wonderful child but I feel bad that I'm not the best mom that I can be. I feel bad that I can't give her a sibling. I worry how seeing me sick all the time will effect her. I worry that I'll die before she's an adult.

Of course, there is time to see it all play out and I do know that chronic isn't fatal. I just keep adding on issues and diseases which is worrisome. But sick mom or healthy mom, I know both me and my mom wanted to be the best mom's we could (and can).

Even Geek Parents Can Embarrass Their Geek Kids

My geeky Dad with my sister and I in the early 1980's

I was always a geek growing up and that was thanks in large part to the fact that my dad is a huge geek himself. One of my earliest memories is sitting on his lap in this old, brown chair we had as he read Lord of the Rings to me. My dad is super smart and a scientist to boot, which just adds to his geek cred.

You would think that being a geek myself from an early age, that my geeky dad wouldn’t be able to embarrass me. All kids are embarrassed by their parents, but it may be a little harder to embarrass a geek kid.

When I was in the 8th and 9th grade, I was really getting into Star Trek. It started out with Star Trek: The Next Generation, which was on the air at that time. I eventually got into the original Star Trek as well. We lived near to Grand Rapids, Michigan, and there were one day Star Trek conventions that happened every so often.

At one of these conventions, the guest was James Doohan who played Scotty in the original Star Trek. Usually there was a question and answer session before you could get in line for autographs. I remember very clearly sitting near the front with my dad at this q&a session and that my dad asked a terribly complicated science question. I don’t remember what the answer was, but I do remember that I wanted to disappear into the ground. I was so embarrassed. My dad wasn't though and we went on to have a good time getting our autograph from James Doohan. But it’s something I still remember, 20 years later.

I’m sure all parents embarrass their kids at some point. But only a geek parent could embarrass a geek kid at a Star Trek convention.

Bullying And How To Help

Me as a child who was bullied

Bullying is one of those hot topics right now as it seems to be rampant across the country. It is one of the topics that I care strongly about because I was a victim of bullying myself when I was younger. Eduction.com has a series of articles with tips to help parents deal with bullying.

I was a short, quiet girl when I was a child. I was also very geeky and didn't really try to go with the crowd at all. This probably made me the ideal target for bullying. When I was in middle school, I became the target of a girl who was much bigger than I was. She would call me names, push me into windows and would smash me in the head with a brush in shop class. It was one of the worst times in my life.

I remember begging my parents not to go to the principal because I didn't want it to get worse. The only place I felt safe at school was in band class, because there were too many people in there for her to beat me up. Finally my parents did go to the principal, and the abuse did finally stop. I did become even more segregated and shunned from my classmates, but it was a relief to not be beat up anymore.

Even though Emily is only four, I’m already worrying about bullying for her. So I was really interested in what Education.com had to say on the subject. They surveyed 500 parents and 500 principles on the subject, and the results were a little scary.

From the Education.com press release:

Parents report that the vast majority (75%) have been involved in bullying in some way (as a bully, victim or witness).

Only about a third of parents feel fully prepared to help their child work through a bullying situation whether the child is a victim (33%), a witness (40%), or a bully (42%).

Only 38% of principles report that they have sufficient resources to effectively implement bullying programs, curricula & policies in their schools.

Because of this survey, Education.com has published some tips for parents. There are tips for all parents to help stop bullying, for parents of kids who are bullied and for parents whose kids are the bullies. These tips may be able to help parents help start a dialogue with their children or even figure out why a bully is doing what they are doing. Because there is usually an underlying reason that needs to be figured out before the bullying can be addressed.

Bullying affects so many people, and it can result in death. This makes it so important to have ways to deal with bullying if it comes up for your child. As a victim myself, I truly hope Emily never has to go through what I did.