Thursday, December 11, 2014

On Memory Loss

So the worst part of this whole aftermath of the seizures is the memory loss. To simplify, I say it's short term but it's not exactly that. Things a year ago and before - I can remember with the same clarity I did before. After that, it gets fuzzy in bits.

The day before I had the seizures. I don't really remember. I know, thanks to Facebook, that I took Emily to a Christmas festival thing. The day I had the seizures until the day before Thanksgiving, I don't remember at all.

I have vague memories of waking up in the ICU. I don't think I'll every forgot the feeling of discomfort and horror at the catheter. I also vaguely remember that the TV was huge in the ICU.

Once I woke up and they recognized that I was lucid, the catheter was taken out and I was moved to a regular room. I have dribs and drabs over the next few days. I slept a lot and watched a lot of movies. I do remember Thanksgiving and watching the parade with Todd and Emily and then the Lions. And I did have turkey for dinner. My aunt Sue and uncle Gary came to visit me and I remember that too - but all the days all kind of ran together as they do when you are in the hospital.

Since getting out of the hospital, it seems like every day I've forgotten some major. They come back to me, here and there, but there are still a lot of gaps. And I forget the strangest things.

If I'm standing up, I'll just turn our TV off in the living room off at the TV. I could not remember how to do that. I started up a movie that I love, Divergent, that I saw in the theater four or five times, and it was like a whole new movie.

And then there are the passwords. I've had to start a word file of all the passwords I keep forgetting, mostly for work, so I'll have them when I forget them again. Even outside of word, I think I've had to change my password on everything at least once. Passwords are not sticking at all.

Finally I have teeny tiny memory gaps. Todd always comes in my office before he goes to work to get his shoes. I'm still working to I hear him. Today I didn't so I took my break and had to go ask Emily if Todd had actually gone to work - he had.

I'll be doing something or standing somewhere, and I'll completely lose my train of thought or where I am. And it always takes me a minute to get my bearings again.

Todd doesn't think this should be a big deal but I HATE it. I'd rather have a level 8 migraine instead of dealing with the swiss cheese brain.

I know it's temporary but I do not look forward to several more months of this. I totally understand why I'm not allowed to drive though.

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