A Happy Life

When I was growing up, I always imagined myself in a big house, with lots of kids and of course a handsome husband. It's funny how things are different than what I thought, but as I approach 40 my goal is to have a happy life.

My house isn't big, but honestly I wouldn't want it much bigger because that would be more space I'd have to keep clean. Our house has enough room for the 3 of us, plus the cats, along will all of Emily's stuff (mine and Todd's too but she has more!)

My marriage is happy, even after nearly ten years. I adore Todd and he seems to be fond of me too, of course. Our family was completed many years ago with the birth of Miss Emily and we have three cats who are her furry, little siblings.

Todd mostly likes his job. Like most people, he has bad days and good. I really don't like my job but I'm able to work part-time which gives me time to do other things as well as rest when I need to. Of course, I do have chronic pain and Todd has MS. But I try and not let my pain get me too down. Plus Todd's been in remission since the initial diagnosis so he tends to ignore it.

Emily is a happy kid. She has lots of friends at school, loves learning and loves being a Girl Scout. It's a joy to be her mom and watch her grow. But I'm glad there is just one of her. One and done as far as kids go works best for us.

We don't make a ton of money but we make enough to be able to do fun things. We go to conventions, mostly Dragon Con, and Disney World. We are hoping to make it over to Italy in about five years. Todd wants to start seeing the world. I want to start visiting the Disney parks around the world, so same thing.

I suffer from depression and anxiety so some days the clouds get really dark and stormy in my head. But all in all, I have a happy life. It's something to remember on the not so good days.

Walking for MS

This past Sunday was my town's Walk MS event. Besides the walk, there was a Wellness Fair, an auction plus food trucks!

We got there around the time the Wellness Fair was getting underway. I got signed in and got my bag of stuff including my t-shirt for raising enough money. We walked around the fair and looked at all the booths.

Lots of swag was being given away so that made Emily very happy. We got water bottles, stress balls (one shaped like a brain), stickers, candy, bags and other stuff. They also had a balloon artist who made Emily a balloon magic wand!

There was Princesses who were doing face painting too plus a really creepy looking Mickey Mouse. I got my face painted and Emily, who is weird about stuff on her face, got a Hello Kitty painted on her arm.

We ate some ice cream from the Hop even though it was super windy out which made it feel cold especially in the shade. We took all the goodies to the car and got ready to walk!

Originally I was just going to walk, but at the last minute Emily decided she wanted to walk so Todd felt like he needed to walk with us. We got them signed up quickly and headed off.

The walk part was a bit odd. There were some signs on how to go and then we just ended up on the walking track that goes around the park. But we were in the front, and there was no discernible end which made it very anti-climatic.

But all in all, it was a fun day and we got to support a cause that is close to my heart!

The Comfort of Stuffed Animals

I'm an adult, and most days I can adult ok. I'm a mom and a wife, I have a job and my house isn't a complete disaster. But I do have rough days thanks to having chronic pain. Especially on those rough days, I like snuggling stuffed animals.

When I was a kid, I always preferred stuffed animals to dolls. My favorite was my Pooh Bear that I got when I was only one. He's been snuggled and loved so much that he's nearly flat now. But I still have him and he's still my bear. He's not great for snuggling alone though since he's so flat.

Emily got the stuffed animal loving gene from me and has a lot of stuffies. When I was in the hospital many years ago, she gave me a teddy bear that was named Chronic Pain Bear. After Todd got diagnosed with MS, Chronic Pain Bear became his.

Last year, Emily and Todd got me a pink cat Build-A-Bear named Princess Leia. And then after Dragon Con, I finally bought the Captain America Build-A-Bear that I had been wanting. I named him Steve.

Steve is a comfort to me when my pain levels are bad or when the depression and anxiety kick in. It may not seem very adult to sleep with a stuffed animal, but for me it is. Coping however you can is extremely adult.

MS Walk

Image: www.walkMScarolinas.org.

A little over a year ago, Todd ended up in hospital. He wasn't seeing out of one of his eyes and he ignored it until it got bad enough that he went to the ER. We weren't sure what was going back, but we were very upset to hear the diagnosis was Multiple Sclerosis.

Since then, Todd's managed with it. He changed his eating habits, dropped 50 pounds and has kept healthy. His hands aren't as steady as they once were but he's doing ok. But it's a disease that gets worse with age.

When I saw that Emily's school was participating in a walk for MS, I had to sign up. Todd isn't the only one I know who suffers from this disease. My cousin and Todd's aunt also have it. So it's very important to me to find better treatments and even a cure for this.

If you want to help out by donating, go to my page at MS Walk. If you can't donate, please think of me April 19th for the walk itself!

Goodbye 2014, Hello 2015

So I usually do a year in review and do goals for the year. I'm going to do this in shortened form this year.

2014 was sucky. MS for Todd, then he lost his job in March. He did find another job that was less stressful but it was a rough start to the year. The middle parts were ok, I think. Most of it's still a little fuzzy. But Dragon*Con, Browncoat Ball, Emily's birthday and Halloween were good.

Of course then I got sick and I'm still recovering from that. Christmas was good but I overdid it and had to go to the ER with a migraine last Saturday. I've been trying to rest and work.

The good parts were ok, but the bad parts were really bad. It's awful being in the hospital but it's even worse having a spouse in the hospital. We got a two-fer of that this year.

My goals for 2014 were to finish the 2nd draft of my novel, to finish Couch to 5K and to finish Emily's stocking. I only got the stocking done.

While I plan on writing more once my memory issues are better, as well as exercising, I only have one goal for 2015. That is to not go to the hospital. No more hospital, no more new and exciting illnesses. I have enough.

Who knows if I can keep that but that's my goal.

But here's looking forward to 2015! Hopefully I can also get my flying car and hoverboard!

Eight Years of Wedded Bliss!

Eight years ago today, I promised to love, honor and cherish my wonderful husband, Todd. We were married on a rainy day, but it never rained on me. But while we were saying our vows we could hear the pouring rain beat down on the roof the church.

We got married in the same church my parents were married in. I hope this will be a good omen since my parents were married until death parted them.

Todd and I have been through a lot in our short eight years as a married couple. Lots of illness - chronic pain for me, and recently MS for him. We've had some job issues and the recession back in 2008 was rough. But we've stayed strong throughout it all.

We are happy to be the parents of a wonderful little girl and right now, despite our illnesses, our life is pretty great.

I think we have a strong marriage because we know how to communicate well. And we have so many similar interests as well!

Happy Anniversary Todd! I love you more and more every day.

Tales of a Fat Cosplayer - Curves and Hotness

 Last year, I wrote a post about how even though I'm overweight I enjoying wearing costumes and cosplaying. It was in response some comments made on Heroes of Cosplay. But I found that I have more to say on the subject.

Ever since Todd was diagnosed with MS, we changed our diet as a family. Todd lost a ton - he actually lost about as much weight as Emily weighs. I lost too but not as much thanks to being a women. But I have been noticing my clothes have been fitting a lot looser.

I have a Kaylee costume that has a light blue Asian jacket. The jacket always fit a bit snug, especially tight in the arms. I went to a Browncoat picnic a couple of weeks ago and I Kaylee-fied myself because we were going to film spots for the Browncoat Ball.

The jacket wasn't tight at all! It fit great! 

We don't have any long mirrors in our house so when I want to get a look of most of me, I have to stand on the toilet. This was a little dangerous when I was pregnant, and one of the reasons there are very few pictures of me during that time.

I was curious though so I got up there and my shape is changing for the better! I still have a pudgy belly, but looking at me front on I'm just all curves, with a killer hourglass shape going on. My thought was, "I'd be hot... if I lived in another time period."

Never in my life have I thought I was hot or gorgeous. I'm short and round, which isn't super attractive in this day and age. But in years past people have wore huge hoop skirts to try and emulate what God gave me. Too bad I live in a time period where thin and tall is in vogue.

But I'll be rocking a costume this weekend at Atlanta's first Wizard World. I may be a fat cosplayer but at least I have some awesome curves to go with the fat.

Todd and MS

Last month my husband was complaining about double vision in his left eye. He didn’t think much of it because it wasn’t painful, just annoying. I kept bugging him to go to the doctor’s and finally after trying to work a 12 hour shift with it he went to urgent care.

Urgent care couldn’t find anything wrong so they sent him to the hospital. The ER ran a bunch of tests and found lesions which are a sign of MS. He was admitted to the hospital and stayed there for four days. It was some of the longest four days of my life, in part because of worry over Todd and worry over Emily who had the flu. I also got the flu, but luckily for both of us it was short lived.

Todd was released from the hospital after four days with a diagnosis of MS and type two diabetes. The diabetes isn’t too bad and it’s something that he should be able to control with diet changes. The MS isn’t bothering him at the moment but we know it’s something that will get worse as he ages.

The next week Todd spent trying to get a detailed doctor’s note so he could go back to work. Originally he didn’t have an appointment until March but finally they were able to squeeze him in allowing him to go back to work.

So far he’s been feeling okay. I’ve been sick with worry and have been feeling worse than normal with my own chronic issues. We are slowly getting back to normal but making some changes to be healthier. We have changed our diet as a family. Todd’s dropped a lot of weight already and I’ve lost a few pounds too.

All in all, it could be worse but it’s quite a shock. Now we have two people with chronic health conditions but I’m sure we’ll manage. Hopefully the rest of the year won’t be as bad as January was.