Depression and Suicide

Image: wikipedia.com

I've been reading Emily a chapter of Coraline most nights, which has been making our bedtime routine a little longer than it previously has been. I was offline for about a half hour doing bedtime things with her - potty, teeth, story, song, prayers and finally tuckering her in.

I did what I do most nights and I opened up Facebook on my phone to find that Robin Williams had been found dead of an apparent suicide. I had no idea that he had been suffering from depression.

He made up a lot of bits of my childhood. I remember watching him in Mork and Mindy as a very small child. I loved him as the genie in Aladdin and as Peter Pan in Hook. He was just a great, great entertainer.

Depression is a serious disease and it breaks my heart that it has claimed another life. I never really understood depression until I started having issues with it myself. I've talked about my struggles with depression before.

Depression drains you of hope, but like The Bloggess says, depression lies. Depression tells you that you are worthless, that life isn't worth it. But there is hope out there.

There can be such a stigma with taking antidepressants but I don't understand why. When I finally got help when I had postpartum depression, it was like a veil had been lifted. I had been in darkness for eight months and didn't realize something was wrong because depression wants you to think that it's the norm.

I'm not ashamed to admit that I still am on antidepressants. I suffer from depression and anxiety - those little pills that I take help me lead a happier life.

My thoughts and prayers are with Robin Williams and his loved ones tonight. It makes my heart ache that he felt he had to take that final step. But I truly hope that he is at peace now.

Chronic Pain and Suicide

My two big reasons for living

I was reading the blogs I follow yesterday and I came across The Bloggess’ post about Suicide Prevention Week. Her post has some great links to where you can get help if you are feeling suicidal. But I thought I’d talk a little about chronic pain and suicide.

When I was a teenager, a friend of the family committed suicide. He was in a dead end job and his wife had just left him. Since I was so young, I saw things more in black and white. I couldn't understand why anyone would take their life. Now that I’m older and have more life experience, I can understand it a little more.

It always makes me sad when I hear that someone with chronic pain has committed suicide, but I can understand. I've had those thoughts myself sometimes. I've never been really suicidal, but some days when the pain is really bad and I get really depressed, it’s hard not to have those thoughts.

Living with chronic pain is hard even on the good days. I’m one of the lucky ones. I can hold a job and do fun thinks like Dragon Con and Disney World. But sometimes the pain levels get unbearable. This past Sunday night I was in a lot of pain and Todd was working. I was going down the path of bad depression, but I wasn't suicidal thank goodness.

I have had vaguely suicidal thoughts in the past, especially when my chronic pain first started. Chronic pain plus depression and anxiety is not a good combination. I've thought about how I would do it but that’s as far as it’s ever gone.

There is so much to live for. For me, I have my wonderful husband and child, plus all my friends and family. And I’m a Christian so I don’t really want to tempt fate / Hell by taking my life. I just try to take it one day at a time.

I hope that if I became truly suicidal, I would get help. Life is precious, even with chronic pain.