The State of Mandy

I may do these posts from time to time - in part so I can see how my recovery is progressing.

It has been a little over two weeks since I was let out of the hospital. Since then, I'm back to work full time. I'm very thankful that my job let me ease back into working by letting me do half days the first week back. And I'm thankful my job didn't try to fire me. I know there are jobs out there that would have - I've heard the horror stories. But I have a super boss who's been great throughout all of this.

The depression is getting better since I'm bad on my antidepressants. I have up days and down days but it's not the black cloud of doom I felt before. If I didn't have Todd and Emily, I may have been suicidal before - that's how bad I felt. But thankfully the pills are helping. Now the depression I feel is situational, because this situation sucks. But it's not as deep and black which is good.

I'm still pretty tired. Not as bad as the first week in December. Even working half days would wipe me right out. I did way over do it on Sunday. We went to church and went early because the choir I'm in was singing. After choir was Sunday School. I go to the Blessed and Stressed class and now that Todd has to come, he goes too. We are blessed but certainly stressed. It's a class kind of geared towards parents trying to juggle everything.

We went home and just vegged for a bit before Todd dropped Emily and I off at the Mountain Play Lodge for a birthday party. Todd had mixed up the dates and had volunteered to work on a friend of a friend's car. So I had to go with Emily while Todd worked on the car.

I mostly sat in the nice chairs they have but Emily would want me to come see what she was doing. I would also do my normal thing of take some pictures of Emily. Todd did come just before pizza and cake time. It was just brakes and he's really good at that.

Things were starting to get spinny at that point. I ate some pizza, and then some pie and ice cream. Not because I was hungry but because I was hoping it will help stop me from feeling so weak. It didn't. After the party, we went to the grocery store, and got some food. I had to hold onto the cart and Todd had to steer to. But we made it through and I ended back in bed.

I've been feeling a little better since then but still majorly tired. I have a bit of a cold which is not helping but trying to get over that too. It's winter and I have a kid so that's going to happen.

The memory issues are still plaguing me. Not much change there. Memory lapses like passwords still happen and I'm still glad I'm not allowed to drive. Around the house, I don't have issues but out and about I still have flashes of 'where the heck am I?'

Sadly I realized the last few days that I don't remember hardly anything from the Browncoat Ball, Emily's Birthday or Halloween. Makes me sad but not trying to push it. I'm staying away from pictures of all three because I don't want to overload myself.

Christmas is fast approaching and I'm feeling better about it - at least more than when the dark cloud of depression was handing over me. But honestly I'm ready for it to be over and for it to be 2015. I'm ready for a new start.

But I'm very thankful for all the family and friends who has been so supportive of us. I really, really appreciate it

The Heat Debacle

I hate being cold. It’s one of the big reasons why winter is my least favorite season. It’s been very, very cold this winter which is unusual for NC. Several people on Facebook have mentioned that it’s been hard to heat their houses with the bitter cold and it reminded me of the time that our heat got turned off in the dead of winter.

The first year that Todd and I lived together we opted to go to our separate parents’ houses for Christmas. It was an odd year since my mom hadn’t been dead for very long. My dad, sister and I tried to do some of our old traditions but it just felt weird.

I didn’t stay very long at my dad’s house and I was the first one back to our apartment. Todd had been the last to leave and he turned OFF the heat. This was in December in Michigan! Needless to say it was literally freezing in our apartment.

After cranking the heat up, I got under my electric blanket. I love electric blankets because I’m always cold. This one had been a gift from my grandpa from a few years earlier and I was super thankful to have it. I just played on my DS under the blanket while it took several hours for my apartment to warm up.

Todd apologized when I called to tell him, though he also found it very funny. From then on, we never turn our heat off when we leave. In part because of this incident but also because we don’t want to come home to cat-icles. 

Happy December!

It’s really hard to believe that it’s already December. I did wish most of the year away counting down to our Disney Trip. But now I’m looking forward to the holidays and the new year to come.

I love Christmas and I’ve been itching to get our house decorated since Thursday. Slowly working on it but we won’t get our tree until later this week because Todd works on weekend.

Emily and I will be making her Christmas countdown chain this afternoon. It’s something we always did when I was a kid and I’m happy to bring this tradition to Emily’s childhood. I got construction paper to make red and green chains. Emily will make a tree or a star for the top.

I hope everyone has a great holiday season this December!

Snow - Why I Love it and Hate It

Our front yard a few years ago

When I was growing up, snow was the norm for nearly six months. We lived about ten miles from Lake Michigan so we would get lake effect snow. Most years our yard would be white from November until March. I was very happy when I moved down south where the winters are much shorter.

But I have mixed feelings about snow. Before December 25, I love it because it never feels quite like Christmas without a little snow. After Christmas is over, I hate snow because then it becomes cold and annoying.

Snow is in the forecast for tomorrow and I hope we get some. Though this is very early for snow to come down here in North Carolina and I hope it’s not a sign of things to come. Luckily I do work from home so most of the time I can watch the snow without having to go out in it.

Emily always gets excited for snow because she really wants to play in it. The one year we went up to Michigan for Christmas there was no snow on the ground and didn’t really start snowing until we were driving home.

So snow is welcome for now but hopefully winter won’t last too long past Christmas.

My Feelings On Snow

As winter approaches, so does the colder weather with the threat of snow. We actually have snow in the forecast for tonight and I’m feeling a little conflicted about it.

Mostly because I hate snow with a passion, except between Thanksgiving and Christmas when I love snow. I grew up in Michigan and I lived very close to Lake Michigan. Because of the lake, we would get tons of snow every year because of the lake effect. Snow would start usually in late October / early November and wouldn’t let up until late February / early March. Usually once the snow came, you wouldn’t see the grass again until spring.

Snow in December made it feel Christmas-y but once it was December 26, I was already sick of it. I was never fond of the cold when I was a child and the best part about playing in the snow was the hot chocolate afterwards. As I grew up, my hatred of snow outside of Christmas increased as it just became a pain.

I was extremely happy to move down South were snow doesn’t happen very often. Most of the eight years we’ve lived her, we haven’t gotten more than a dusting or two. Of course, that means mostly green Christmases, which is a little sad but I can deal with it.

They do freak out down here over the threat of snow. Schools have been canceled in the past because a snow storm was in the forecast – most of the time it never actually snows. And everyone goes to the store to stock up on bread and milk when snow is in the forecast.

We’ll see what happens tonight. I’ve been feeling festive already so a little snow would be nice since we don’t get a lot down here. Plus I work from home now so I don’t have to go out in the cold unless I choose to!