A Church Divided

Image: churchgraphics.blogspot.com

Last Sunday, my church had a big party celebrating the retirement of our senior pastor. There were tears and laughter, as we had a full church for service and then a full room for the meal afterwards. It was bittersweet, especially since Pastor Mark has been Emily's pastor her whole life.

And now, our church will get an interim senior pastor and we will start the call process. May not seem like a big deal but for me, it brings up bad memories. Because when I was not all the much older than Emily, this exact situation tore the church I grew up in apart.

When my parents moved to Holland when I was fairly young, we joined Peace Lutheran Church. It was a great church that my family loved. But the senior pastor was getting older and finally when I was in high school (I think), he retired.

The new pastor that was called was very different. He introduced a lot of pomp and circumstance that we had never had before into the services and in general left a bad taste in people's mouth. I wasn't very privy to the ins and outs, but I do remember my mom saying that she was just angry all the time going to church because of the new pastor.

Enough people agreed with my parents, which caused the church to split in half. The people who left, including my family, left the ELCA (one of types of Lutherans) and formed a brand new Missouri synod church called Christ Our Savior.

Starting a brand new church is really hard. I'm sure it was more stressful on my parents and the other adults, but as a young person it just felt strange. We had no home for a while because we had to rent space before we could raise enough money to build a new building. And one we had a space, it took a while for it to feel church-y and home-like.

And there was quite a bit of drama that sounded the 2nd church as well, having to do with different pastors and the like. I don't remember a lot of the details because it was years ago.

In the end, I have a very uneasy feeling. I hope that my current church is able to find a pastor that fits in well with our congregation. We've been lucky to have Pastor Mark for 22 years, and now there is unfortunately a big hole. I pray for my community because I don't want to go through having a church divided again.

2016 - Year in Review

Image: openclipart.org

This year has been an interesting one. The celebrity deaths have been hard to watch. The ones that have hit me most have been Ron Glass and Carrie Fisher. The election was a shitshow all around and I can't deny that I'm not frightened by what may happen in the years to come.

But on a personal level, 2016 wasn't too bad a year!

It was a Disney year, and Disney years are always good because of going to my favorite place in the world. I also didn't need to go to the ER at all this year which is huge!

We joined the Y on January 1st of this year and I started weight training a few months after that. I didn't lost a lot of weight but I gained a lot of strength and stamina, which was something I really needed! I'm hoping to build on that in 2017.

Girl Scouts became a huge part of our lives this year. We went through our first cookie season and Emily got to go camping for the first time ever! We actually have gone camping with the Girl Scouts three times this year.

Both Emily and I made new friends thanks to scouting! And Emily was very excited that her two best friends ended up in her class for 2nd grade.

Emily worked very hard in school to become a much better reader. She has grown so much - including in height. She's almost as tall as I am! In addition to Girl Scouts, she also got more involved with church. She is in the children's choir and active in the elementary youth group! She was also in our church's Christmas pageant as Innkeeper #1 and an angel.

 I'll post about my goals for 2017 in a different post, but while I'm not glad to see 2016 be gone soon, it wasn't too bad of a year for us.

Easter!

Easter came early this year. I'm not super fond of it being at the end of March because it tends to be cold. Even though it was cold, we were up very early to see if the Easter Bunny had hopped into our house. He had and Emily was thrilled with what he got her. Mostly toys because she can be hyper enough without a lot of sugar.

After checking out what the bunny brought, it was time to get ready for church. Emily looked like a princess in her lovely yellow dress. We left to get to church early with Emily's new monster dolls in tow.

We got our normal seats which was nice though the church started filling up around us. Even for 8:30 service, most of the pews were filled. The service was lovely. Emily got to see her friends, and they were all lovely and cute. Especially at the children's message as Vicar Gregg asked the kids what their favorite holiday was. Emily is always very vocal during the children's message and it's always super cute.

At the end of the service, the choir and whoever wants to join in sang The Hallelujah Chorus. I love singing this! It's one of my favorite parts of Easter.

After church, we all piled into the car and started driving to GA. We don't have a lot of relatives around here. Todd's aunt lives two hours away. My aunt, uncle and my cousins live about three hours away. We try and visit when we can. 

All of my four cousins are married with kids. And quite of few of those kids are Emily's age. She

loves going to GA to play with her cousins. My aunt really went all out with a great meal - ham, of course. She also came up with a really creative Easter Egg hunt.

Instead of just looking for eggs around the house. She put the name of each kid on a series of eggs. They got a clue to look to begin with from her and then had to follow the clues around the house. Emily had a great time - though I had to run around with her since her reading levels aren't super great yet so I had to read the clues.

At the end, they had to give my aunt a hug and they got a small bag full of goodies. Emily got candy and a small cat stuffed animal that she loved! 

It was a nice gathering of family. I got to talk about Disney World since once of my cousin's is going next month and had some questions. So that was an extra treat.

Even though the ride is very long - three hours there and back. It's really worth it to be able to spend time with family for Easter.

Know We Are Christians By Our Love

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There has been a hymn that has been running through my head for a while now. It's a beautiful hymn that I sang in church many times as a child.

“They will know we are Christians by our love...”

Sadly it seems in this world, people know Christians not by our love but by our intolerance. I'm very thankful that my church which is a member of The Evangelical Lutheran Church in America is very tolerant. ELCA by a whole is welcoming to LGBTQ people. Each church has to decide on their own if they want to perform same sex marriages, a vote that overwhelming passed in favor of at a meeting not that long ago in my congregation.

With the decision out of Indiana this week, it seems like intolerance is still alive and well. Against gay and trans people, against people of color and of women. As same sex marriage is sweeping the nation, some people seem to want to hold on to their prejudices. I don't think that is what Jesus wanted us to do.

Right before the school year started, our church gave all the kids going into Kindergarten a story Bible, including Emily. We've been reading a story or two out of it nearly every night since she got it. We actually finished the Bible last night and are going to start from the beginning at Emily's request.

As I have been reading these stories with her, I'm stuck by the kind of person Jesus is. He hung out with people who many thought were undesirable. And he showed them love. Being loving and kind and caring is what Jesus and God want us to do.

People are people, and they should be treated with respect. Some people might live their lives in a way you don't agree with, but we aren't here to judge other people. Yes, we may judge other people but that's because we are all flawed humans. We are all sinners – something I think some Christians forget.

I have friends of all types and I love them all. We are friends because of similar interests and I'm not going to judge them or think they are wrong for living their lives they way they do. I feel as long as you aren't an axe murderer or abusive, you are good. Yes, some people are different religions or don't have a religion at all. Some have differences in sexual orientation or don't fit with the gender they were born with. None of these things make someone a bad person or in the need of saving. We just need to love them as Jesus loves us. 

Today is Maundy Thursday, the day of the Last Supper. Tomorrow is Good Friday, the day Jesus died for us. I feel like he would open his arms and love everyone. A lot of so called Christians out there remind me of the Priests and Pharisees who ended up killing Jesus.

As I finish my personal walk through holy week, I pray that tolerance can become the norm someday. People can get so caught up in hate for some reason, but love can be so much more powerful and so much more rewarding. And maybe someday again people will know Christians for our love.

Ashless Ash Wednesday

Today is Ash Wednesday which marks the start of Lent. Usually my church has two services tonight, and usually Emily and I go. My church does the ashes on the forehead as a reminder that we come from ashes and to ashes we will return.

But with the nasty weather we've been getting and the chance for more snow today, my church decided yesterday to cancel the services tonight. I had been on the fence on trying to go, so I'm glad my decision was made for me.

Emily is a little sad - she loves getting the ashes on her forehead. I'm a little sad too, it's one of my favorite services of the year. It's really a powerful reminder of our mortality to start off Lent. But it's better than trying to drive on roads that may be icy.

Instead, we'll read stories in Emily's Bible and pretend we give each other ashes. All while we stay warm and safe in our house.

Christmas!

Christmas was definitely more low key than usual for me, but I found out that I'm still recovering and need to take it slow. 

I always work on Christmas Eve and this year was a bit of a mad rush after I got out of work. I worked until 3:30 and we had to be to church at 4:15. We only live about ten minutes from church but I'm paranoid so we left a little early and got there about five minutes before we needed to.

Since we were one of the first people there, we got a great seat. Emily and her classmates were whisked away to get costumed up. I went to the bathroom a little before the service started and I had a view of them in the big preschool room donning there costumes. It made me feel a little teary eyed.

Finally the service started. It was a child led service so the old kids did quite a few songs with chimes. And the kids Emily's age and younger, sang the Nativity story. They had angels, wise men and shepherds. Emily was an angel but she said she was Mary. Todd and I didn't argue.

After church was done, we  headed home. Emily opened up two presents. Her Christmas pjs and Pinkie Pie doll, which she loved. We watched one Christmas movie and got small child to bed.

Santa came and I passed out. I was going to try and watch a little TV but I was too tired, so I just went to bed.

On Christmas morn, I woke up a little after 6 because my body said, "Wake up, it's time to work!". Emily didn't get up until nearly 7 but was raring to go once she did. Todd had fallen asleep in the chair which he does sometimes.

The great opening commenced and Emily was very happy. She kept declaring it the best Christmas

ever throughout the day. Todd shuffled off to bed so I was on open the presents duty. Emily was nice and let me take a break between the openings because I wasn't feeling great. But the straw that broke was the Mandy's back (or head as the case may be) was the Barbie house.

Emily hasn't really had Barbie's before but she got a ton for Christmas thanks to my mother in law. She loves them and of course she wanted the house put together. I feel for my mom who put together tons of those sets for me and my sister over the years. 

It was a pain in the butt that required me to sit on the floor. But finally the Barbie house of doom was all together. There was one more thing that needed to be put together but I made her wait for Todd. During the great put together/remove from package

Todd got up, put together the Doc McStuffins center. He started our feast and we called all the relatives. Emily did talk to everyone and thank everyone but she was more interested in her toys of course. 

I ate after we talked to everyone and then I took a nap because I was starting to feel badly. The rest of the day was resting and eating and Emily playing. I was feeling increasing bad but tried to keep my spirits up.

It was a good Christmas but I way, way over did it. Which lead to me missing work the next day and ended up in the ER on Saturday. But Emily had a good Christmas and that's all that really matters.

Things I Am Thankful For

Yes, yes, I know it's almost Christmas and Thanksgiving was a while ago. But I do have a lot to be thankful for and I was stuck in the hospital during Thanksgiving.

Firstly I'm thankful for Todd. He's not a perfect person (no-one is, of course) but he's awesome and caring and perfect for me. He was there for me when I got sick (whenever I get sick) and of course, is a great dad to Miss Emily.

Todd was there for the entirely of my vast and many illnesses. We started dating right around the time when my daily chronic headaches started. He drove me home in a snowstorm from the east side of Michigan to the west because I couldn't drive due to a migraine (I had other friends who drove my car but Todd and I hadn't been dating that long).

And of course I'm thankful for Emily. She's a burst of sunshine in a grey world of disease. I don't think I would every be suicidal but sadly I do understand why people made that decision. But my little girl brightens my world and it's such a joy to watch her grow.

My family is also something I'm very thankful for. They have been really great with all of this health stuff even from Michigan and other places. My aunt Sue and Uncle Gary came all the way from GA to visit me in the hospital. My dad, his wife and my inlaws and my sister and brother in law have been very supportive and helpful even all the way from Michigan. I'm very blessed by a wonderful family!

Thanks to the internet, I have friends all over the word. Of course I'm super thankful for all of them. Especially my GUSP girls (you know who you are!) who have listened to me whist I was in bat shit crazy mode. My friends have really helped me get out of the dumps and keep my spirits up. And yes, even though I've never met most of my friends in person they are still very dear to me.

My job can be stressful, but I'm thankful for that as well. I'm thankfully that I didn't get fired after being in the hospital for 10 days. I'm on many chronic pain support groups and I've heard horror stories. More of why I'm thankful can be found in a previous post but I am super thankful that I still can work and recover at the same time.

Finally I'm thankful for my church. The first time I left the house after I got out of the hospital was to go to women's choir. A friend picked Emily and I up since Todd was at work. I felt so much more human and it was nice to be among people again. While I was in the hospital and for a couple weeks after, I was on the prayer list. And my pastor called me a few time as well as asked how I was in church. Church is pretty much the only reason I leave the house right now and it really is a blessing.

I may have forgotten some things, but I'm thankful I'm alive, out of the hospital and able celebrate Christmas!

The State of Mandy

I may do these posts from time to time - in part so I can see how my recovery is progressing.

It has been a little over two weeks since I was let out of the hospital. Since then, I'm back to work full time. I'm very thankful that my job let me ease back into working by letting me do half days the first week back. And I'm thankful my job didn't try to fire me. I know there are jobs out there that would have - I've heard the horror stories. But I have a super boss who's been great throughout all of this.

The depression is getting better since I'm bad on my antidepressants. I have up days and down days but it's not the black cloud of doom I felt before. If I didn't have Todd and Emily, I may have been suicidal before - that's how bad I felt. But thankfully the pills are helping. Now the depression I feel is situational, because this situation sucks. But it's not as deep and black which is good.

I'm still pretty tired. Not as bad as the first week in December. Even working half days would wipe me right out. I did way over do it on Sunday. We went to church and went early because the choir I'm in was singing. After choir was Sunday School. I go to the Blessed and Stressed class and now that Todd has to come, he goes too. We are blessed but certainly stressed. It's a class kind of geared towards parents trying to juggle everything.

We went home and just vegged for a bit before Todd dropped Emily and I off at the Mountain Play Lodge for a birthday party. Todd had mixed up the dates and had volunteered to work on a friend of a friend's car. So I had to go with Emily while Todd worked on the car.

I mostly sat in the nice chairs they have but Emily would want me to come see what she was doing. I would also do my normal thing of take some pictures of Emily. Todd did come just before pizza and cake time. It was just brakes and he's really good at that.

Things were starting to get spinny at that point. I ate some pizza, and then some pie and ice cream. Not because I was hungry but because I was hoping it will help stop me from feeling so weak. It didn't. After the party, we went to the grocery store, and got some food. I had to hold onto the cart and Todd had to steer to. But we made it through and I ended back in bed.

I've been feeling a little better since then but still majorly tired. I have a bit of a cold which is not helping but trying to get over that too. It's winter and I have a kid so that's going to happen.

The memory issues are still plaguing me. Not much change there. Memory lapses like passwords still happen and I'm still glad I'm not allowed to drive. Around the house, I don't have issues but out and about I still have flashes of 'where the heck am I?'

Sadly I realized the last few days that I don't remember hardly anything from the Browncoat Ball, Emily's Birthday or Halloween. Makes me sad but not trying to push it. I'm staying away from pictures of all three because I don't want to overload myself.

Christmas is fast approaching and I'm feeling better about it - at least more than when the dark cloud of depression was handing over me. But honestly I'm ready for it to be over and for it to be 2015. I'm ready for a new start.

But I'm very thankful for all the family and friends who has been so supportive of us. I really, really appreciate it

Kindergarten Bible

I spent the weekend feeling pretty sick - I had a cold that gave me a migraine. But I made myself go to church on Sunday.

Once a year, our church has a service at Lutheridge which is a camp close to the church. There is a beautiful open air chapel where we all gather. I honestly have only been to this service once, because I was singing in the choir. I always, always get lost in Lutheridge so I don't like going there.

I actually pointed us the wrong way on Sunday and we got a little lost. But we made it before the service started. Every year, our church has the blessing of the backpacks and the last couple of years have been at the Lutheridge service. This usually is not enough to convince me to go into the woods where I get lost, but this year I got an email that kids going into Kindergarten would be getting their Bibles.

So we went so Emily could get her Bible. The service was lovely - I do like the woods. And Emily was very excited to get her story Bible. She flipped through it the rest of the service. She also got her backpack blessed and all the kids got a rubber bracelet that said 'stop bullying' on it.

Since Sunday, every night I've been reading Emily a story out of her Bible. She'll be learning how to read better in school and hopefully she'll be able to read it herself soon.

It's a really great thing that our church does. I feel very blessed to have a great church that is very invested in the youth of the congregation!

Pre-K Graduation!

Emily is a part of the class of 2014. No, she's not a wonder child. She just graduated from preschool!

When I was small, I remember donning a white cap and gown to graduate from Kindergarten. I figured Emily would graduate then, but she got to graduate this year since she completed preschool.

The ceremony wasn't focused so much on graduating but since Emily went to the preschool at our church, it was a blessing.

The kids came out and sang some songs. Then they all got to come up to a podium to get their diploma. They also each got to say what they liked best about preschool. Emily said she liked playing outside. She came to sit with us as we sang a hymn and then all the kids went up to the altar with their parents laying their hands on them as we prayed.

It was a short ceremony but it was nice. And I admit that I got a little teary-eyed because my baby is growing up!

Though we will get to do it again next year since she is still going to go to the school at our church since they go until Kindergarten.

Easter

We had a busy Easter weekend but it was a good holiday for us. On Saturday evening, we colored eggs. We didn't make a ton of them because we don't eat hard boiled eggs that much. But Emily likes it so I wanted to do some.

Todd's cousin had given us a no mess egg dying kit. It was a little messy, in part because I didn't drain enough water out of it. Emily just plopped the eggs in, and then I took them out. It wasn't as fun because you really couldn't do more than one color on an egg.

The next morning, Emily woke up a little after six am. I had been awake for a while because I had been listening for her. I wanted to stop her from going into the living room without me because I wanted to tape her reaction of seeing her basket.

We went a little overboard this year with stuff for the basket. We generally give more presents and less candy because a sugared up Emily is not a good thing. She had really wanted a Doc McStuffins lab coat for a long time so that was the big thing I got her. Todd ended up picking up some Infinity figures. He thought she'd ignore the lab coat, but she's played with it every day since Sunday.

After she found all the goodies in her basket it was time to go to church. I love Easter services - lots of singing and it's very festive. My favorite part comes at the end where everyone is invited to join the church in singing the Hallelujah Chorus.

Once we were done with church, we headed out to drive to GA. My aunt and uncle live outside of Atlanta and we often go there for holidays because my cousins all have kids, some around Emily's age. It was nice to see relatives and everyone remarked on how skinnier Todd looks - one of my cousin's wives didn't even recognize him at first!

We had a great meal and Emily had fun playing with her cousins. We were on the road longer than we were at my aunt and uncle's house, but it was worth it to see family for the holiday.

Palm Sunday and Family Time

 After our busy day on Saturday, it would have been nice just to relax on Sunday. But that didn't happen since I was up early on Sunday to get ready for church.

We are Lutheran and Holy Week is a big deal in our church. Holy Week starts with Palm Sunday and ends with Easter. This past Sunday was Palm Sunday and my choir was singing at the early service.

Everyone got to process in with their palms at the beginning of the service - Emily was very excited to wave her palm. Because Todd came to church, I got to sit with the choir which was nice.

After church, we left right away. Todd's Aunt Denise lives outside of Charlotte. Todd's cousin Mandy, her husband and daughter were down visiting. Since it's only a couple of hours drive, we wanted to make sure to see them while they were in NC.

It was great to spend time with family and to meet Kenzie who is now a toddler. Living in NC is great but we don't see a lot of our family because we haven't been able to get to Michigan for a couple of years now.

Emily and Kenzie played great together despite the age difference. While Kenzie was napping, I took Emily to the neighborhood park was only a few blocks away. They have the standard playground equipment including a merry go round, which none of the parks we frequent have. So Emily loves the merry go round.

I made the mistake of letting Emily push me on the merry go round. I hadn't bee on one in years and once I got off I had a migraine. Beyond that, we had a great time.

I ended up in bed as soon as we got home. With as full as our weekend was, I really over did it. But it was worth it to see family and have family time with just me, Todd and Emily.

Disadvantages of Working From Home

Last year I wrote a post about the perks of working from home. Being able to work from home in my pj's had a lot of advantages but there are some things that can suck about it.

Because I work from home, have a small child and have a husband that works 2nd shift I don't get out of the house much. Most of the time it doesn't bother me too much but I do get a little stir crazy sometimes. I'll go to the store just to get out of the house.

I try very hard to keep my work separate from my home life. I have room that I use as an office and I generally only go in there for work. But sometimes I go in there just to check to see if I have a call rating or to check my email. Working from home makes it hard to completely disconnect from work.

While this one applies mostly just to my job, I think it probably happens with other work at home jobs. I work six days a week and it gets very tiring sometimes. I only work 6 1/2 hours a day so it's still about 40 hours. But since my only day off is Sunday and because I go to church, I don't really ever get much of a day off.

This disadvantages are generally pretty minor and right now the advantages do outweigh the disadvantages. I do hope to go back to working in an office again someday when Emily is a little older.

Ash Wednesday

Emily's cross from last year

Today is Ash Wednesday and the start of Lent. I'm Lutheran so we observe Lent and Ash Wednesday.

My church here is the first church I went to that did the ashes on the forehead. My other churches would have a service but that was it. It was a little strange the first year I went but it's a great symbol. I have pictures of Emily with ashes on her forehead from every year she's been alive.

I like Ash Wednesday service. It's a somber reminder that we came from dust and to dust we will return. Lent's a somber season so it's a great beginning.

I remember one year in college, Ash Wednesday fell on my best friend's 21st birthday. We went to the service but then we went out drinking a little. It was a rather surreal day!

For this year, I'll be going to church early for choir practice and then will be going to the service where I'll be singing with the choir. Emily will be with me, of course, so there will be another picture of her tonight with ashes on her forehead.

Christmas 2013

I hope that everyone celebrates Christmas had a good one. Ours was pretty low key but fun! Like I mentioned in my previous post, Christmas Eve is my favorite part of the holiday, so that’s where I’ll start.

We got to church early since Emily had to get her costume and practice with the other kids. Her age groups, being the smallest kids, were stars. They sang a Christmas version of “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” which was adorable. After they sang, she came to sit with us.

Five is a great age – she was singing along with the Christmas carols she knew and dancing around. It was a lovely service! The highlight for me was near the end when it was time to sing “Silent Night”. Todd had his arm around me while holding Emily and we were all singing. It was so magical!

After church we went home and Emily got to open her Christmas pjs, which is a tradition from when I was a kid. She got into her pjs and we watched some TV until it was time for her to go to bed.

 Todd and I waited a bit before Santa came to make sure she was asleep. She didn’t hear us at all because at 3:30 am, I heard her door open. She excitedly told me that Santa had come! I sleepily told her it was 3:30 in the morning and she had to go back to sleep. Thankfully she didn’t fuss too much and went back to bed.

At about 7 am, we got up and Emily started unwrapping her presents. She was delighted by everything she got and kept saying “Thank You Santa!” We got everything opened; the toys out of their packages and then got the wrapping paper cleaned up. We let Emily play for a little bit before we got dressed and go on the road.

Todd’s grandmother is down in visiting Todd’s aunt who only lives two hours away so we went to spend Christmas Day with them. There were more presents, lots of food and family time. It was a lovely way to spend the afternoon.

We got home at a reasonable hour and Todd went to the movies. I got Emily to bed and I settled in to watch Doctor Who. Todd got home just in time to see 11 regenerate into 12. I didn’t really care for the episode but I’m excited to see the new episodes with 12 next year. Since I had to work this morning, I went to bed once Doctor Who was over.

It was a lovely Christmas! Emily declared it to be The Best Christmas ever – but she does that every year!

Merry Christmas Eve!

Emily's Christmas program

Christmas Eve has always been a magical night to me. When I was a kid, the anticipation was high for Santa to arrive. As I got older, I found the magic in the Christmas Eve church service, especially the years I was in various choirs.

Since Emily was born, we always go to the child friendly service at church. Last year she was a little sad that she didn’t get to sing during the service. This year, she does get to sing since she’s part of the Sunday School choir. She and I are both excited for the service tonight.

Tomorrow will be fun with the presents, family and food, but for tonight we get to bask in the magic of this special night. Even though I know Jesus wasn’t born on this night all those years ago but somehow God always seems closer as we sing carols and learn about our Savior’s birth.

I hope all of you who celebrate have a very Merry Christmas and to everyone else Happy Holidays (or happy Tuesday)!