Faith in the Face of Chronic Pain

Seemingly, some of my fellow Christians seem have have lost their way in recent years. It makes my heart sad to see people who should be espousing the love that Jesus shows to all of us, instead trying to use Jesus and the Bible as a way to keep on hating.

A common theme in quite a few Christian groups I've been in over the years is that if you are good person and follow God's law, good things will happen. It's the "God as a Genie" theory which doesn't really work. Jesus and his disciplines had really awful things happen to them, up to and including death. As did a lot of other Christians over the years.

As a white Christian in America, I've never experienced harassment over my religion. Growing up, just about everyone I knew was some brand of Christian. It was the norm and what you did on Sunday morning. It was easy to follow Jesus back then.

When I went to college, I was still highly active in my campus ministry. As a freshman, I would get up Sunday mornings and go to the Lutheran chapel while my roommates were sleeping off their partying from the night before. I was an oddity but I was walking with Jesus so that was ok.

I did a lot of growing up the last few years of college. I was engaged to a guy who had rejected God completely and that caused a lot of issues in our relationship and was one of the reasons we broke up. Also watching my mom have cancer and then die from it.

After my mom died, I watched my dad really struggle with his faith. He was really, really angry at God, which was totally understandable. For whatever reason, my faith never faltered. As I got signs that my mom was up in Heaven, my faith in God and Jesus strengthened.

A year after my mom passed away, I got very sick. It started out as a really bad ear infection that was misdiagnosed for a month. Once that was cleared up, I was left with a constant headache. A headache I still have to this day.

I've talked about my chronic pain journey over the years, but I haven't really talked much about my faith as I've dealt with that. My faith in God hasn't changed at all, though my faith in myself has suffered some blows.

I see other people who have wonderful careers that they love, or who are able to keep up with lots of kids. Some days, I have issues getting out of bed, making it through work, keeping up with Emily. While I know some people probably just think I'm lazy, I'm trying to work my way though a normal life while having the weight of chronic pain around my neck.

I'm not sure what my purpose in life in or why I'm meant to be on this Earth. But as a Christian, I try to use my faith to boost myself up. Life isn't always a picnic and horrible things can and will happen. Even though I'm in pain every day, I'm actually not that unhappy. I have my low times and yes, I've had suicidal thoughts. But I'm suppose to be here. Maybe my words will help someone else or I'm just here to raise Miss Emily.

I don't really know what the future faces for me, but I will try to do my best no matter what gets thrown at me. And yes, I may be wrong about my faith, but I'd rather live as a true Christian, as someone who follows Jesus than as to not have any faith at all.

Know We Are Christians By Our Love

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There has been a hymn that has been running through my head for a while now. It's a beautiful hymn that I sang in church many times as a child.

“They will know we are Christians by our love...”

Sadly it seems in this world, people know Christians not by our love but by our intolerance. I'm very thankful that my church which is a member of The Evangelical Lutheran Church in America is very tolerant. ELCA by a whole is welcoming to LGBTQ people. Each church has to decide on their own if they want to perform same sex marriages, a vote that overwhelming passed in favor of at a meeting not that long ago in my congregation.

With the decision out of Indiana this week, it seems like intolerance is still alive and well. Against gay and trans people, against people of color and of women. As same sex marriage is sweeping the nation, some people seem to want to hold on to their prejudices. I don't think that is what Jesus wanted us to do.

Right before the school year started, our church gave all the kids going into Kindergarten a story Bible, including Emily. We've been reading a story or two out of it nearly every night since she got it. We actually finished the Bible last night and are going to start from the beginning at Emily's request.

As I have been reading these stories with her, I'm stuck by the kind of person Jesus is. He hung out with people who many thought were undesirable. And he showed them love. Being loving and kind and caring is what Jesus and God want us to do.

People are people, and they should be treated with respect. Some people might live their lives in a way you don't agree with, but we aren't here to judge other people. Yes, we may judge other people but that's because we are all flawed humans. We are all sinners – something I think some Christians forget.

I have friends of all types and I love them all. We are friends because of similar interests and I'm not going to judge them or think they are wrong for living their lives they way they do. I feel as long as you aren't an axe murderer or abusive, you are good. Yes, some people are different religions or don't have a religion at all. Some have differences in sexual orientation or don't fit with the gender they were born with. None of these things make someone a bad person or in the need of saving. We just need to love them as Jesus loves us. 

Today is Maundy Thursday, the day of the Last Supper. Tomorrow is Good Friday, the day Jesus died for us. I feel like he would open his arms and love everyone. A lot of so called Christians out there remind me of the Priests and Pharisees who ended up killing Jesus.

As I finish my personal walk through holy week, I pray that tolerance can become the norm someday. People can get so caught up in hate for some reason, but love can be so much more powerful and so much more rewarding. And maybe someday again people will know Christians for our love.

The Need To Be Right

Image: becominghiseve.wordpress.com 

I come from an unique generation. Having been born in the late 70's, I spent my childhood without the internet. But when I hit college, I 'found' the internet and have been a fan ever since. The internet is a great thing but it has led to some odd behavior in people.

Because you aren't taking to someone in front of you, trolls came about. But not just trolls, normal people feel the need to argue a point to death in order to prove that they are 'right'.

Admittedly in my many years on the internet, I've done that a time or two. But as I've grow older, I haven't seen the point. Most of the arguments end in an impasse because both sides feel the need to be right. And sometimes the need to be right can transform a normal person into a troll.

I'm on a lot of different Facebook groups for all my different interests. One is for Christians who are all geeks, Someone posted there how they had been arguing with an atheist about the existence of God.

This seemed completely pointless to me. We Christians can't prove that God exists, it's a belief we have. We've felt His Hand in our lives. An atheist hasn't felt that so they believe firmly that there is no God. It's not something that they could even have found a middle ground on.

I have lots of atheist friends as well as friends of other religions. Trying to prove that I'm right and they are wrong seems like a way to lose friends. Sadly the internet, for all it's good things, fosters the want in some people to browbeat them into believing what they want.

Later that evening, I posted the start of my newest cross stitch project in the cross stitch group I'm in. It is a kit that I've been wanting to do forever and a friend gifted it to me.

I started it at the tippy top of the fabric because I've had issues with kits and running out of room. So I wanted to make sure that I had enough fabric. This is also the most complicated chart that I've ever done, so I've been putting off starting because I was intimidated by it.

After stitching a little bit, I posted on my cross stitch group. Basically a 'Yay I started' and a picture. And then I got the 'advice' I didn't want. Several people told me that I was doing it "wrong".

I told them that I was doing it this way, and while I appreciated the advice, I was going to do it this way. Most of them stopped with the advice, but a couple didn't. One in particular was very fervent in proving how wrong I was. It got to the point that I had to get the group owner involved.

As it's my project, I do have the right to stitch it they way I want, but this person's need to be right pushed her over into troll territory. Even after the owner stepped in and posted for them to leave me be, she had to continue trolling.

It's a strange internet phenomenon because you wouldn't scream at a person in real life about how wrong they are. It does happen over the phone, but it wouldn't generally if you were calling someone you knew.

Being right is nice, I suppose, but I think more people need to realized that there are other ways to do things, and other opinions. In our diverse world today, there are many things that aren't just right or wrong.

Businesses > Women

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I'm sure everyone has heard at this point that the Supreme Court has ruled that Hobby Lobby and other businesses don't have to cover birth control on religious grounds.

Now I'm a Christian, but I'm also a woman who uses birth control And this decision is just another way this country is telling women we are inferior creatures, which of course, is bullshit.

A woman is a human being with a mind. I think all women can decide if birth control, having a bunch of babies, having an abortion is best for them. I use birth control because I don't think my body could handle another pregnancy because of my chronic pain issues. And with a husband who has MS, it's not a good idea for us to bring another life into this world that we might not be able to care for.

People of all different beliefs make up this country and I wish that the government tried to have the best interests of all people in mind. But the Supreme Court seems to think the right of businesses trump the rights of women.

I am disgusted by this and I will be boycotting Hobby Lobby and any other business that tries to oppress their employees' in the name of religion.

The "War" on Christmas

This past weekend was Asheville’s Holiday parade. On the local news’ Facebook page, there is always a ton of posts complaining that the parade is a Holiday parade and not a Christmas parade. I’m a Christian and I celebrate Christmas, but I never understood the whole war on Christmas thing.

There are tons of Christians out there celebrating Christmas every year, but there are lots of other people too that celebrate other winter holidays. I’m not a big fan of trying to push my religion down people’s throats. I’ll talk about it if people want – my former best friend was agnostic and she had a lot of questions about my religion and what I believe. I answered them all honestly, and I think it gave her a lot to think about.

But I like the use of ‘holiday’ because it’s inclusive. I may say Merry Christmas, since that’s what I celebrate, but I wouldn’t mind if someone said Happy Hanukkah or Blessed Yule if that’s what they celebrate. This country is supposed to have a freedom of religion, so lots of people celebrate different things (or in some cases, don’t celebrate at all).

I wish all Christians would try to be more Christ-like and inclusive to people who aren’t just like themselves. I have plenty of non-Christian friends who I care for dearly and I hope all my friends have a great holiday season.