|My two big reasons for living|
I was reading the blogs I follow yesterday and I came across The Bloggess’ post about Suicide Prevention Week. Her post has some great links to where you can get help if you are feeling suicidal. But I thought I’d talk a little about chronic pain and suicide.
When I was a teenager, a friend of the family committed suicide. He was in a dead end job and his wife had just left him. Since I was so young, I saw things more in black and white. I couldn't understand why anyone would take their life. Now that I’m older and have more life experience, I can understand it a little more.
It always makes me sad when I hear that someone with chronic pain has committed suicide, but I can understand. I've had those thoughts myself sometimes. I've never been really suicidal, but some days when the pain is really bad and I get really depressed, it’s hard not to have those thoughts.
Living with chronic pain is hard even on the good days. I’m one of the lucky ones. I can hold a job and do fun thinks like Dragon Con and Disney World. But sometimes the pain levels get unbearable. This past Sunday night I was in a lot of pain and Todd was working. I was going down the path of bad depression, but I wasn't suicidal thank goodness.
I have had vaguely suicidal thoughts in the past, especially when my chronic pain first started. Chronic pain plus depression and anxiety is not a good combination. I've thought about how I would do it but that’s as far as it’s ever gone.
There is so much to live for. For me, I have my wonderful husband and child, plus all my friends and family. And I’m a Christian so I don’t really want to tempt fate / Hell by taking my life. I just try to take it one day at a time.
I hope that if I became truly suicidal, I would get help. Life is precious, even with chronic pain.