Michigan Trip - Independence Day!

This is the 4th post in my Michigan trip report! To start from the beginning, click here!

After sleeping in, we plied into my in-laws's truck because it was big enough to hold us all. We had Todd, Emily and I, my mother in law and father in law, plus Todd's brother, Scott, and his son, Austin.

Our first stop was an ice cream shop. Now, the thumb of Michigan is a strange place. There can be nothing but farms and wind machines for miles. Every once in a while, you'll come across a place like this ice cream shop which has nothing around it.

But when we got there, it was packed. This place specialized giant scoops of ice cream. I made the mistake of getting two scoops (like I usually do at our local ice cream shop) and I couldn't finish it. Emily couldn't finish her one scoop. But it was yummy!

After we finished our ice cream we got back in the truck and headed off to Caseville.  Emily and Austin had a couple of activities to choose from, and they picked mini golf. We all got balls and clubs and started playing.

We kept score for a while, but because there was so many of  us we just stopped. Emily and Austin

had a blast and Emily even got one hole in one. After we were done, we let the kids play a little in the arcade.

At this point, I was starting to not feel so well. I had been drinking a ton of caffeine in the form of Coke all week and it hit me like a ton of bricks. By the time we got back to my in-laws house, I had a raging migraine. I went directly into the guest room and took a long nap.

By the time I woke up, it was dinner time. Todd's brother had made steaks on the grill. I was feeling a little better and was able to eat dinner. Afterwards, Todd and I got our things mostly packed up and Emily's stuff into her suitcase since she was staying for another week.

I headed to bed because my head was still hurting and I needed to drive some on the way home the next day.

Up Next - The Long Journey Home

My Tubal Ligation Story

It's been a while since I've blogged mostly thanks to ongoing illness. Also I had some surgery that took a bit to recover from.

A few months ago, I had my normal bi-yearly appointment with my regular doctor. While there, I mentioned that I wanted to get a tubal because I'm beyond done with having kids. My doctor thought it was a good idea and got me a referral to get the surgery done.

It wasn't too long before I had my consult, and the surgery was scheduled for the day after my 40th birthday (which was a Monday). At first, I didn't want to do it so quickly, but my dear husband pointed out that having it done sooner than later meant I would be recovered before April 17, which is the day we are going to see Red Hot Chili Peppers.

I, thankfully, didn't read up on personal tales of tubals before my surgery. I knew the risks, and that it's not 100%. But it's pretty close and permanent, which was important to me. While I was laid up after the surgery, I did read some articles and personal accounts, which leads me to want to post my experience. Be warned, there may be some TMI past this point!

A lot of the personal accounts were of the "DON'T DO IT" variety. But I think that is because people regretted it because they ended up wanting more kids. This seemed to be a theme especially with people who had their tubals done after having a c-section. I could have had it done then, and I remember them asking me. But because it was an emergency c-section and I was overwhelmed at the time, I said no.

Anyway, my surgery was scheduled for 4 pm on that Monday. I wasn't allowed to eat after midnight so I literally stayed up until nearly midnight stuffing my face because I knew that I was going to have a very empty tummy all day.

I had started feeling nervous that evening so I slept poorly. I got up with Todd and Emily so I could guzzle down some Sprite and some broth before 8 am, which is when I had to stop drinking anything. Plus I wanted to see Emily because she was going home from school with a friend.

I got hungrier and hungrier and more and more nervous as the afternoon went on. Finally, we were off to the surgery center to get the party started, as it were. I had to be there an hour and a half early because they to do bloodwork and I had to take a pregnancy test (which was a little funny since I had started my period the day before).

They had to hurry up and do all this before the people from the lab went home. Thankfully everything came back fine. Also the anesthesiologist wanted to see me right away too. I had been plagued with a really bad cold / virus and had gone to the doctor earlier in the week.

I had let the nurse who called me with pre-op questions know and she said I was good with the medicine I was given as long as I didn't have a cough. So I spent most of the week leading up to my birthday trying every known cough/phlegm remedy known to mankind. It worked and the anesthesiologist was impressed on how clear I sounded.

Sadly all the hurry up lead to a lot of waiting. I was gowned, and had my stuffed Iron Man bear, but I had given my phone to Todd, so I just mostly sat there. Todd and I talked some, but the anxiety didn't make me a good conversationalist.

The worst part was that my surgery got delayed by like an hour because my doctors were in another surgery. And because it was later in the day, I was the only one in the rooms down that particular hallway so I felt like I had been abandoned a bit. But the nurses did check on me and brought me blankets from the warmer.

Finally, after it felt like ages had past, the main doctor came in and told me it was only going to be a few more minutes. They got everything going, put the lovely hairnet on my head and soon I was whisked to the operating room. I had to be positioned on the table a specific way, which took a few minutes. And then I don't remember anything until I woke up in the recovery room.

I was in quite a bit of pain in the recovery room and of course, very groggy. Todd came in a bit after I woke up. I, being the mom I am even all drugged out, wanted to make sure he let the person that was watching Emily know that we would be along for her shortly.

They had already given me some pain medicine before (or while?) I was waking up but it wasn't cutting it. So the anesthesiologist had them give me Dilaudid, which is my absolute favorite pain medicine. Side note - I suffer from chronic pain, and am not a druggie.

The Dilaudid eased my pain enough that I was able to go home. I was sent home with some prescriptions, though the OB/GYN office had already given me a Vicodin prescription at my pre-op and had already filled that.

Todd got me home and in bed, and went to get Emily. I passed out right away, but  the rest of the night I woke up every hour or so to pee. Thankfully my husband is a night owl because I needed help getting to the bathroom the first few times.

The first day post-op, I took my good drugs and slept most of the day, having peed myself out. I was awake by the time Emily got home from school because Todd had gone back to work. I talked to him over the phone and told him that I could handle the parenting but I was still really tired and very sore. He opted to take a half day off of work and I passed back out.

One of the things I had read about beforehand was the gas causing pain. They pump gas into you to expand the area to be able to see better. Most of the accounts said that the gas pain happened in people's shoulders. This is not what I experienced.

On day two, the gas attacked. My stomach was harder, kind of like when I was pregnant. I kept feeling like I needed to poop. And I kept passing gas, like a ton of gas. I spent most of the day in and out of the bathroom. Finally, finally I was able to poop (and boy, did I poop a ton!) and my stomach felt a bit better.

Now, I was told that it should only take me a couple of days to bounce back from this surgery. That was unrealistic, for me at least. I was still having considerable pain by day three but it was starting to be less. Sadly for me, on day three my cold of doom that I had shooed away with home remedies came back with a vengeance.

So I had a sick migraine, was all stuffed up with a sore throat and coughing while my middle was still really sore. It was unpleasant to say the least. But a few days after that, the pain from the surgery was very low. If it hadn't been for the doom cold, I would have felt pretty good.

All in all, I didn't have a bad experience. I wish my surgery had been scheduled earlier in the day. After my surgery, the rest of my period was pretty non-existent. I bled a little one more day and that was it.

I am one of those people who can feel myself ovulating, so I could feel my tubes aching for probably a week post-surgery. This week, I have been ovulating and my tubes are aching a little more than usual. I haven't had a period since so I'm not sure how that will be.

In the end, it was the right choice for me. No regrets and the recovery wasn't too horrible. This was my experience so it may not be yours. But I wanted to get something out there that isn't all doom and gloom!

Be Considerate With Fireworks!

My fellow Americans love to celebrate our nation's birth by blowing stuff up. I don't mind fireworks at all. I love watching them, especially the ones at Disney World. But most firework displays only last an hour so even if you don't like the bangs it's only a limited time.

At least it is if you don't have neighbors who are dicks. Sad to say, I have some neighbors who were real dicks last year. 

As long time readers of my blog know, I suffer from chronic migraines. Logically big bangs and migraines don't really mix. Some firework noises don't bother me too much, but I have my limits.

Last year, my neighbors shot off fireworks that I'm sure were illegal. It sounded like bombs were going off outside my bedroom window for hours at a time. And they did it on both July 3rd and July 4th. I was in so much pain and really twitchy for probably close to a week afterwards.

My poor Willow cat was really upset too. She hates loud noises a lot so she spent the holiday cowering in fear in our bathroom. It was very unpleasant for us. While I was in pain, I thought about any veterans who might live in our neighborhood. PTSD is a real concern for a lot of people.

I was a little afraid that my neighbors would be shooting off fireworks last night but I'm super thankful that they didn't since I'm working today. I have tomorrow and Monday off so I can hibernate with earbuds if need be.

But if you, kind person, decide to shoot off some fireworks remember that the noise might not be welcome by your neighbors. So try to keep it short and use legal fireworks. I, for one, will be not shooting off fireworks but we are going to do sparklers in our back yard.

No Mo Snow

I don't like winter or snow. Growing up in the Land of Snow (ie Michigan), I've had my fill of it to last a lifetime. Thankfully winter is generally a lot shorter in NC than MI, but we generally get a snowstorm or two.

A lot of times, the weather will call for a storm but it will fall apart over the mountains. We were forecasted to have a major storm late last week, so there was a run on milk and bread. Because apparently in the South you need milk and bread to outlast a snow storm.

It started overnight on Thursday and then it snowed all day on Friday. The storms rolling in made me miserable. The pressure changes with a snow storm used to not make my pain levels as high as with a thunderstorm or just rain. But the last few years, it's reversed so I was in a lot of pain.

It didn't snow on Saturday but we had high winds so all the snow kept drifting around. Sunday the sun finally came out and yesterday it was close to 50 degrees out.

Despite the warmer weather, there is still a lot of snow. I had to go out to the post office to mail out a package yesterday. The secondary roads and even the main road that runs from Hendersonville to Asheville was still partly covered. I think for the secondary roads, DOT is just planning on waiting for it to melt which is annoying.

The other annoying thing is that I we haven't gotten mail since Thursday. I can understand no mail on Friday and Saturday but there was no reason they couldn't deliver yesterday. 

Emily is off from school for the 3rd day and we are all going a little stir crazy. I'm hoping that Emily will be back at school tomorrow and that the roads will be clearer. And no more snow for the rest of the season would be great too!!

Flare of Doom

Image: tabuherbalsmoke.com 

When you suffer from chronic pain, flares happen when the pain levels get so much worse. When you are in pain all the time, pain because the norm and it takes a lot of really stop you in your tracks.

This particular flare started on Friday. I did what I do, took the abortive I had and tried to sleep. The abortive I was using is pretty much crap, but usually it helps me sleep and that's what helps get me on the road to normal for me.

I was able to work on Saturday but was feeling pretty rough by the time my shift was over. I took a nap and felt a little better.

Sunday morning, I felt pretty rough so I stayed in bed most of the day. In the afternoon, I was feeling a little bit better so we got some food and then Todd went to the movies.

The pain started notching up pretty fast, especially after I had gotten Emily into bed. It wasn't the pain so much that my whole head, starting at my temples and going down into my nose and my jaw was throbbing with pain.

By the time Todd had gotten home from the movies, I was unable to even watch TV because the pain was so bad. I took another abortive, and Todd laid down with me in our dark bedroom until I started to feel vaguely sleepy.

I was able to sleep for about four hours. Usually when I wake up, it takes a little bit for the pain to go back up, even in the midst of a flare. Not on Sunday night / Monday morning, my whole head was screaming in pain the moment I woke up at 4 am. I took my last abortive and managed to get a few more hours sleep.

Thankfully Monday is one of my days off. I laid in bed in pretty intense pain. But I really, really didn't want to go to the ER. Going to the ER is a big old suck. Time suck, pain suck, massive suck for Todd.

So as soon as my neurologist was open, I called in. I love my neurologist and she got me a prescription for something that really worked in the past (but sadly isn't something I can take often), and my pharmacy got it ready pretty fast.

Kind, wonderful Todd went to Walmart and got the meds. I took them, ate some food and thankfully was able to sleep. When I woke up, I felt like a whole new woman. I was even well enough to talk Emily to Girl Scouts.

Today I'm still feeling a little sick. But I'm able to work and the pain is at about a 6. Before it was a 9 on its way to a 10.

Thankfully flares like this don't happen a lot. The worst part is the not being able to sleep. When I'm sleeping, it's the only time when I'm not feeling pain. Sadly, I can't avoid flares like this. This one was all weather related. We didn't get hit by the hurricane but it moved a lot of bad weather into our area. I know that's why I felt so wretched. But it's just another day in the life of someone with chronic pain.

The Anatomy of A Migraine Flare

As you probably know, I'm a long time chronic pain sufferer. This past weekend, I had an extremely bad migraine flare, and I thought I'd talk some about how my flares go. 

Image: www.glamour.com 

This whole month has been full of mini flares, starting over 4th of July when my neighbors were blowing up the neighborhood with fireworks. But it got really bad the middle of last week because of tons pop up thunderstorms.

The first part of the flare usually involves both pain and pressure. As the storms move in, the pressure grows in my head. Usually once the storms reach us, the pressure subsides. But because I live in the mountains, the storms sometimes fall apart before reaching here, leaving me with all the pressure. After a couple of days of this, my whole head throbs.

Once the pressure is pushing down on my head, that's when the auras can start. Auras are what make migraines different than just headaches. Auras can be different for every migraine sufferer. Mine are usually dizziness, fogginess, balance issues, light sensitivity and general brain dumb-ness. In short, massive brain fog and lots of almost falling down. 

I tried to work for several days but it got impossible to focus on the computer screen. It even got so bad that even just watching tv was too bright, which tells me that things are getting really bad. By Friday, I was miserable. I called my neurologist but she wasn't in the office, but the lady who answered the phone was going to try and text her for a new prescription. 

Because the pain had gotten so bad that I couldn't do anything, Todd ended up taking me to the ER. Usually it doesn't get to this point, but right now we are playing the merry-go-round of meds when it comes to a good abortive to break the cycle when it gets really bad. I didn't have any that worked, which is why I ended up in the ER for the first time in over six months.

Sadly, the ER gave me a cocktail that helped a little at first, but then messed up really bad. Thankfully, my neurologist had been reached and a new abortive was called into my pharmacy. Finally I was able to sleep and break the cycle, ending the flare.

The end of a major flare is a great feeling. I've been feeling great the last few days but trying not to overdo it. 

Drunken Fireworks

This past weekend, The United States of America celebrated its' independence. Many people enjoyed a long weekend off and had BBQ's and lit sparklers. And some people got really drunk and lit explosives. One man even died after he lit a firework that was on top of his head.

I like fireworks. I like watching them, especially at Disney World. But I did not enjoy any fireworks this weekend at all.

I had spent most of the week in a migraine flare that I really tried to manage by resting. We didn't have any plans for the holiday and Todd volunteered to work overtime on Friday and Saturday. Friday night, I was sitting and relaxing in my bedroom when my neighbors started shooting fireworks off.

The fireworks were super loud and sounded more like cannon fire. From the sound of them, there weren't fireworks you would have bought at Walmart. I'm pretty sure that they were illegal.

Friday night, they set them off for hours and the bangs were louder than the show I was watching. My pain levels rose and I even started having a panic attack. My cats were freaked out too and after every bang I could her a chorus of dogs barking in the distance.

I was super sick on Saturday because of it and spent most of the day in bed. I came up with plan to take my abortive migraine medicine and go to bed as soon as I had gotten Emily into bed. But they had started shooting off fireworks before the sun even went down. I took my meds but it still took me a long time to go to sleep because of the war being waged outside.

Todd came home from work at 11 pm and he said that they were still shooting off fireworks of the distantly illegal kind when he got home.

I don't want to be a party pooper but it was a rough weekend for me. I wish my neighbors would have stuck to just Saturday for their fireworks displays and I really hope we don't have any veterans' who live in our neighborhood. As awful as it was for me, I can't imagine how it would be for someone with PTSD.

Next year, I'll be prepared with noise canceling headphones. Thankfully it didn't wake Emily up either night.

Goodbye 2014, Hello 2015

So I usually do a year in review and do goals for the year. I'm going to do this in shortened form this year.

2014 was sucky. MS for Todd, then he lost his job in March. He did find another job that was less stressful but it was a rough start to the year. The middle parts were ok, I think. Most of it's still a little fuzzy. But Dragon*Con, Browncoat Ball, Emily's birthday and Halloween were good.

Of course then I got sick and I'm still recovering from that. Christmas was good but I overdid it and had to go to the ER with a migraine last Saturday. I've been trying to rest and work.

The good parts were ok, but the bad parts were really bad. It's awful being in the hospital but it's even worse having a spouse in the hospital. We got a two-fer of that this year.

My goals for 2014 were to finish the 2nd draft of my novel, to finish Couch to 5K and to finish Emily's stocking. I only got the stocking done.

While I plan on writing more once my memory issues are better, as well as exercising, I only have one goal for 2015. That is to not go to the hospital. No more hospital, no more new and exciting illnesses. I have enough.

Who knows if I can keep that but that's my goal.

But here's looking forward to 2015! Hopefully I can also get my flying car and hoverboard!

The Perks of Working from Home

My workspace

You may or may not know that I work from home doing tech support. I've done this since August 2012. I work tech support and it's like any other call center job. But working from home has a lot of perks.

This first one isn't really a work from home perk but it's a perk. My boss is great and understanding. My coworkers are funny and help the day go on. And yes, I have coworkers. I'm on a team and we can talk in a chat room. We have one room for business stuff and another where we can talk about anything - and we do when it's not busy.

One of the biggest work from home perks for me, is I can work in my pj's. And I do. With all my health issues being comfortable while I work is really great. I can also work in the dark and there are no bright fluorescent lights. This really helps a lot with my migraines.

After my seizures happened last month,  I was told that I wouldn't be able to drive for three months. If I worked outside the home, I'd be screwed since Todd works 2nd shift. But since I work from home, it's business as usual. I did ease myself back in, thank again to a great boss, but I've been back full time for a couple of weeks now.

Working home works great for me. It seems like more and more people are going that route as well. As someone who has chronic pain, it really helps me be able to be comfortable, be able to crash into bed after my shift if needed but still make a living to help my family.

Chronic Pain and Drug Use

Image: rockbox122.wordpress.com

I've talked about my chronic pain issues in the past. I can't take any preventive for my migraines - and I've tried just about everything. When my pain gets bad, all I can do is rest and rest and pray for the pain levels to go down.

I'm on several chronic pain and migraine support groups on Facebook, though I don't quite fit in. But I'm horrified to read the stories of people being denied treatment at the ER, from their doctors - all because the health care professionals are afraid that chronic pain patients are actually drug addicts.

A few weeks ago, I spent a week in really bad pain. None of my normal ways of coping was making this level 8 to 9 migraine go down at all. Finally I decided that I had suffered enough and we went to the ER.

I waited for three hours to be taken back, and when I was taken back there wasn't an open room. I was asked if I minded if I was just on a bed in the hallway. I didn't care, I just wanted to be treated. I got settled into bed, and I wasn't there very long when they wheeled another guy in and stuck him right by me.

He had called the ambulance because he also had a migraine. He got back around the time I did, but I got treated faster. I was given Dilaudid, which is a narcotic. That was exactly what the other guy wanted, and he started complaining bitterly that he was waiting to be treated.

The nurse brought him basically aspirin and saline. He demanded narcotics, and the nurse told him that his pain management doctor wouldn't allow him to have more narcotics and that he had been treated with Dilaudid two days before. He continued to complain about his pain, and the doctor came out and explained the same thing. When he realized that they wouldn't treat him the way he wanted, he took out his IV and left.

I felt bad for him, but Todd thought he was an addict. I do know that taking Dilaudid too much can lead to rebound migraines which are generally worse than the first migraine. that happened to me when my chronic pain first started.

Pain is awful and not being in pain can be addicting. I'd give just about anything to have the constant, daily pain go away for even a while. I'll never know what that guy's story was, but I hope he got some relief at some point.

June is Migraine Awareness Month

Image: http://www.achenet.org/

Over the course of this month, I've been blogging about my experiences with migraines and chronic pain. I kind of grouped them together because it is migraine awareness months but I didn't plan any of them out in advance. They all came from things happening in my life.

Migraines are a part of my life, so I will continue to blog about it as things come up. I hope that my posts this month have been enlightening and interesting to some people.

Here's the list of all the migraine post from this month, in case you missed one!

A Day in The Life With Chronic Migraines

The Worst Superpower

Chronic Pain and Being a Shut-In

Being A Parent With Chronic Pain

The Worst Superpower

Image: Wikipedia.com

June is Migraine Awareness Month. This is my 2nd in a series of posts about my experiences with chronic migraines. You can read the first here.

I have an awful superpower. One that would not qualify me to be part of the X-Men or the Avengers. My superpower is being able to sense when storms are coming in.

Pressure changes are awful and they nearly always trigger a migraine. We are suppose to get a bunch of storms later today. I didn't feel too badly but I was sitting at my desk and working when suddenly my pain level jumped from about a 3 to a 6 or 7. Sudden jumps like that make me feel very woozy in part because my auras tend to make it seem like I'm looking through water.

I live in the mountains so the storms often don't make it past the mountains. The storms are a necessary part because when they come through they relieve the pressure that's built up. If they fall apart before they reach me, I tend to be miserable and in pain for several days.

I'd love to get rid of this superpower because weather / pressure changes is the one trigger I can't avoid. I can avoid drinking anything with caffeine, I can steer clear of raw onions, I can even keep my stress levels down. But I cannot control the weather.

I'm still working despite the high pain levels but it's going to be a 'head back to bed' kind of day for me!

Palm Sunday and Family Time

 After our busy day on Saturday, it would have been nice just to relax on Sunday. But that didn't happen since I was up early on Sunday to get ready for church.

We are Lutheran and Holy Week is a big deal in our church. Holy Week starts with Palm Sunday and ends with Easter. This past Sunday was Palm Sunday and my choir was singing at the early service.

Everyone got to process in with their palms at the beginning of the service - Emily was very excited to wave her palm. Because Todd came to church, I got to sit with the choir which was nice.

After church, we left right away. Todd's Aunt Denise lives outside of Charlotte. Todd's cousin Mandy, her husband and daughter were down visiting. Since it's only a couple of hours drive, we wanted to make sure to see them while they were in NC.

It was great to spend time with family and to meet Kenzie who is now a toddler. Living in NC is great but we don't see a lot of our family because we haven't been able to get to Michigan for a couple of years now.

Emily and Kenzie played great together despite the age difference. While Kenzie was napping, I took Emily to the neighborhood park was only a few blocks away. They have the standard playground equipment including a merry go round, which none of the parks we frequent have. So Emily loves the merry go round.

I made the mistake of letting Emily push me on the merry go round. I hadn't bee on one in years and once I got off I had a migraine. Beyond that, we had a great time.

I ended up in bed as soon as we got home. With as full as our weekend was, I really over did it. But it was worth it to see family and have family time with just me, Todd and Emily.

Literal...

Image: http://charlotteheadachecenter.com/

As I've mentioned before, I suffer from daily chronic headaches. They get migraine bad often, and I'm not just talking about higher pain levels. I get auras that give me vision problems, I have a hard time thinking clearly and I tend to take things very literally.

It took me a while to realize I was being so literal. I did it this morning without thinking about it at work, but I did realize after a moment that the person I was talking to was being sarcastic. It's a very interesting side effect to my migraines.

When my pain levels go up, I feel my intelligence slipping down. I can't brain today is a fact of life for me some days. I think because of the intense pain, my higher brain functions will short out a bit.

So if I take something you say either in person or online literally, it's probably because my brain isn't working correctly.

Ten Years Ago....

Image: http://en.wikipedia.org/

I watch the Super Bowl every year. I’ve been to a few parties but most of the time I just watch it from home. As I watched the excellent half time show this past Sunday, I was reminded of another Super Bowl from ten years ago.

In 2004, I was struggling with my new chronic pain. I was in the midst of the doctor’s trying every medicine they could think of and none of them making any difference. I was living at home at the time and I was suffering from very high levels on Super Bowl Sunday.

I still watched the Super Bowl though I was stuck on the couch because it hurt to move. In years past, I had gotten up for snacks or to go to the bathroom during the halftime show. But that year, I watched it because I wasn’t going anywhere.

So I got to see Janet Jackson’s boob, which didn’t seem very shocking to me. Partly because I have my own boobs, but I was feeling doped up on pain and whatever medicine I was trying that week. I didn’t really think much about it until the internet exploded the next day.

Ten years later, I still think that a lot of fuss was made about not much. But I’ll always remember it as part of what happened at the height of me trying to figure out how to manage my pain. Thankfully this year’s Super Bowl I felt pretty good and got to watch it with my family

Pain in the Way of Plans

Emily with Chronic Pain Bear

I have chronic pain and am in pain every day but I’m luckily than a lot of people who have constant pain. My pain levels are generally low enough that I can live a mostly normal life. But sometimes the pain flares up and slams me down, reminding me that I am sick and will be for the rest of my life.

Saturday night I went to bed feeling ok with plans of working and then doing some housework on Sunday. I slept the whole night but I woke up feeling exhausted with high pain levels. It had been raining and I think that’s what triggered this flare.

I managed to work my whole shift but felt awful afterwards so it was off to bed. I didn’t get anything done that I had wanted plus I couldn’t even find a comfortable position in bed so I couldn’t even work on my cross stitch. My pain derailed all the plans I had for that day.

All I can do when I get a flare is rest because there is no medicine that works for me. I’m feeling a little better today but the pain levels are still higher than normal.

I’m still lucky though. Some people in my chronic pain support groups can’t work, can’t do much of anything because the pain is so bad. For me flares come and go, but the pain always goes down after a while.

Chronic Pain and Suicide

My two big reasons for living

I was reading the blogs I follow yesterday and I came across The Bloggess’ post about Suicide Prevention Week. Her post has some great links to where you can get help if you are feeling suicidal. But I thought I’d talk a little about chronic pain and suicide.

When I was a teenager, a friend of the family committed suicide. He was in a dead end job and his wife had just left him. Since I was so young, I saw things more in black and white. I couldn't understand why anyone would take their life. Now that I’m older and have more life experience, I can understand it a little more.

It always makes me sad when I hear that someone with chronic pain has committed suicide, but I can understand. I've had those thoughts myself sometimes. I've never been really suicidal, but some days when the pain is really bad and I get really depressed, it’s hard not to have those thoughts.

Living with chronic pain is hard even on the good days. I’m one of the lucky ones. I can hold a job and do fun thinks like Dragon Con and Disney World. But sometimes the pain levels get unbearable. This past Sunday night I was in a lot of pain and Todd was working. I was going down the path of bad depression, but I wasn't suicidal thank goodness.

I have had vaguely suicidal thoughts in the past, especially when my chronic pain first started. Chronic pain plus depression and anxiety is not a good combination. I've thought about how I would do it but that’s as far as it’s ever gone.

There is so much to live for. For me, I have my wonderful husband and child, plus all my friends and family. And I’m a Christian so I don’t really want to tempt fate / Hell by taking my life. I just try to take it one day at a time.

I hope that if I became truly suicidal, I would get help. Life is precious, even with chronic pain.

Late Bloomer or Slacker?

Todd and I when we started dating

I had a bout of insomnia last night so I do what I always do - turn on my phone and read Facebook. One of my friends had posted an article from Time Magazine - Grow Up, Not So Fast. It describes the trend of people who bounce from job to job, aren't getting married and settling down and sometimes moving back in with their parents. It really described me and it kind of pissed me off because the article says that people make these decisions because they aren't ready to grow up.

It did take me a while to graduate from college in part because I was immature. When I started college, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I went to college because that was the thing you did when you were done with high school. I floundered quite a bit trying to find myself. I went through several majors before I settled on Broadcasting.

The last few years of my college experience were stressful. I had a bad relationship with a man who I was engaged to at one point. We broke up right before my last year of college. And my mom had cancer. She fought hard, but she was very sick by the time I graduated.

Because my mom was so sick, I moved home right after graduation. My mom passed away less than a week after I got back home. My mom and I had been close and even though it had been coming for a while, I was just shocked and stunned. My sister was living at home at the time too, and we both stayed there for a while because we didn't want my dad to be alone.

My sister moved out about a year later once she got married. It was another year before I moved. In that year, my chronic migraines started. I was in and out of the hospital and only was able to hold onto my job because of FMLA. I got my pain under control and moved across the state to move in with Todd.

We struggled with jobs because the area of Michigan we moved to didn't have a lot of work. He found a job but it was just a temp. job, even with his vast amounts of experience as a machinist. I bounced from job to job, having three jobs in two years. Because we were struggling we made the decision to move to North Carolina.

Todd held the same job for eight years, until he changed jobs recently. But I still was bouncing. I got one job right after we moved here, but I ended up being fired after a year because of company politics. I got another job that I loved that I had for two years, but I lost that job in 2008 because of layoffs because of the economy. After that, I couldn't find a job and had a newborn, so we decided that I would go back to school. I re-entered the job market after getting my second degree last year. I had a temp. job for about five months. My assignment ended and I got my current job working in tech support. I've had this job for a year.

I was 29 when we got married and Todd was 31. We had a baby a few years later and we do have a house. But I don’t think my living with my dad or bouncing from job to job has anything to do with not wanting to be an adult. It’s hard out there, especially now with the crappy economy. We are doing well now that we are both working, but it’s been a struggle not that long ago.

People coming out of college are faced with a poor job market and low paying jobs. It’s no wonder that people are living with their parents and putting off marriage and kids. And it has nothing to do with the lack of wanting to be an adult.

Please Don't Scream

Image: Wikipedia.com

I've worked in customer support type jobs for years and had to deal with angry people. I've been in that position myself where I’m upset with company and it’s no fun. I do wish people could keep their composure and not scream.

Customer service isn't for the faint of heart. Most of the time you are dealing with people who are pissed for some reason. One of my first customer service jobs was for a company who took people’s pictures and made them into throws. These were very popular around Christmas time as presents.

There was a deadline to get your order in to get it before Christmas, but some people ordered after or an issue happened that caused their throw not to arrive by December 24^th. One time, it was because of a massive storm that shut down a whole town including the mail service. People were still really upset.

I found working that job that I had a knack for dealing with the issues, calming people down and not getting upset for being cussed out. One girl that started at the same time had a lot of issues with being upset when a customer got angry and yelled. She only lasted a couple of weeks before she quit.

Even though I’m in tech support now, it’s still pretty similar. I try to help the customer the best that I can with their internet issues. Like with customer service, the customers can get very angry as well as start screaming and cussing.

I understand that people get upset but I dislike it when they take it out on me. It still doesn't bother me too badly but I just find it rude. I’m a living, breathing person who doesn't need to be screamed at no matter how upset a customer is. It also tends to give me a migraine. One customer kept getting shriller and shriller as she screamed. My head ached badly after that call.

One time, I was on the other end of the call. I was getting packet loss on my line which was causing my internet to be all goofy. I called my ISP and I got a tech that obviously didn't care about doing anything to help me. It made me angry, but I was pretty calm and just demanded a supervisor.  The supervisor was much more helpful and was able to resolve my issue.

If you get angry and feel the need to scream at a customer service rep or tech support, please refrain from screaming. I know that it can be frustrating but the person on the other end is just that – a person.

The Stigma and Misunderstanding of Migraines

The face of a migraine sufferer (or me)

Before I started suffering from chronic pain, I thought that a migraine was just a bad headache. I bet a lot of people think that. Migraines are so much more than a bad headache – it’s a whole neurological disease. People with migraines know what a debilitating disease this can be and we are sick of being trivialized.

Kmart is running an ad currently that has a husband and wife taking about surprises with the new Kmart pharmacy. Most of the “surprises” have nothing to do with health issues – for example the husband says to begin how his mother in law was just supposed to visit and then stayed for 30 years. But at one point the wife says in retort that she doesn't have migraines implying that she does have migraines.

Now if the wife was suffering from some other disease like MS, it would be totally taboo for her to say that she doesn't have that disease in jest. For some reason, Kmart and their parent company Sears, doesn't think that migraines are bad enough of a disease that it can be used in this fashion.

Migraines should be considered seriously but obviously they aren't. This makes me angry because I know how hard it can be to suffer from migraines. I end up in tears sometimes because the pain and other symptoms can get so bad. I've also lost several friendships because they think I’m trying to get attention or not as sick as I say I am. I pretty much don’t have any close friends outside of the internet because I don’t get out of the house much.

You can read more about this and even see the ad at migraine.com and you can also go to change.org to sign the petition.