I always knew I wanted to have kids. I'm not sure why because I never really liked kids growing up and babies made me feel very uncomfortable. I was always afraid I was going to drop them or something like that. But I wanted one of these creatures for my very own.
My chronic pain started before I was married but I still wanted a child. Todd and I started dating around the time my headaches started. We did the long distance thing but he heard about all I went through during the nine months of hell I went through while the doctors tried to find a cause.
When we started getting serious, we sat down and had a long talk about everything. Our expectations for marriage, religion, and of course, kids. Todd was on the fence about kids, so we agreed we would not do any fertility treatments. If I couldn't get pregnant the old-fashioned way, we weren't meant to have kids.
After our honeymoon, we started trying for a baby. It only took three months before I became pregnant. Being pregnancy while suffering from chronic migraines was miserable. I felt awful the first and third trimesters because my pain didn't go away. In some ways, it got worse.
Emily Morgan was born on October 17, 2008 via a c-section. She was perfect but I was still in pain. When she was a baby, it was easier. I'd veg out with her in my arms and I'd sleep when she slept. Now that she's older, I feel more guilty about the high pain days when I'm basically stuck in bed.
She is very sweet about it though. She gave me one of her teddy bears and named him Chronic Pain Bear. When Todd went in the hospital and was diagnosed with MS, we gave him Chronic Pain Bear. Emily gave me a dog stuffed animal who got named Chronic Pain Puppy.
I try to do as much with her as I can. We went to the pool on Thursday even though I wasn't feeling great. I don't want her to be stuck inside all summer because of my chronic pain issues. I paid for it on Friday, but it was worth it to see my daughter have a great time splashing in the water.
I wonder sometimes if I'm doing her a disservice because of my chronic migraines. But she is loved and well cared for, which is more than other kids out there.
I have wondered how you do it. I have noticed that many of your photos are taken from bed. But you are raising a sweet and beautiful little girl. The times you get outside together are good for both of you. You are blessed for sure. I never wanted a child until I met my 2nd husband, who is my dream partner. But we met right as I was starting to get sick, and my body stopped making it possible. I am very sad about that, but do not speak of it.
ReplyDeleteA lot of my love for children is showered on other people's kids. And I have been known to be jealous of other people being able to have babies.
You are blessed - I'm glad you have Emily. She is the little sunshine you need.
*hugs* Thanks
ReplyDeleteI do take a lot of pictures of her from bed - we hang out there when I'm not feeling great. I'll be headed there as soon as I'm off work today - but it's rainy here today we we couldn't play outside anyway