June is Migraine Awareness Month. This is my 4rd in a series of posts about my experiences with chronic migraines. The first was about a day in the life with chronic migraines , the second was about an unfortunate superpower that comes with migraines and the third is about how chronic pain makes me a shut-in.
I always knew I wanted to have kids. I'm not sure why because I never really liked kids growing up and babies made me feel very uncomfortable. I was always afraid I was going to drop them or something like that. But I wanted one of these creatures for my very own.
My chronic pain started before I was married but I still wanted a child. Todd and I started dating around the time my headaches started. We did the long distance thing but he heard about all I went through during the nine months of hell I went through while the doctors tried to find a cause.
When we started getting serious, we sat down and had a long talk about everything. Our expectations for marriage, religion, and of course, kids. Todd was on the fence about kids, so we agreed we would not do any fertility treatments. If I couldn't get pregnant the old-fashioned way, we weren't meant to have kids.
After our honeymoon, we started trying for a baby. It only took three months before I became pregnant. Being pregnancy while suffering from chronic migraines was miserable. I felt awful the first and third trimesters because my pain didn't go away. In some ways, it got worse.
Emily Morgan was born on October 17, 2008 via a c-section. She was perfect but I was still in pain. When she was a baby, it was easier. I'd veg out with her in my arms and I'd sleep when she slept. Now that she's older, I feel more guilty about the high pain days when I'm basically stuck in bed.
She is very sweet about it though. She gave me one of her teddy bears and named him Chronic Pain Bear. When Todd went in the hospital and was diagnosed with MS, we gave him Chronic Pain Bear. Emily gave me a dog stuffed animal who got named Chronic Pain Puppy.
I try to do as much with her as I can. We went to the pool on Thursday even though I wasn't feeling great. I don't want her to be stuck inside all summer because of my chronic pain issues. I paid for it on Friday, but it was worth it to see my daughter have a great time splashing in the water.
I wonder sometimes if I'm doing her a disservice because of my chronic migraines. But she is loved and well cared for, which is more than other kids out there.